The thought is too tempting. Being able to just fuck her whenever, wherever for the weekend, it couldn’t be that bad, could it? If she was on birth control, maybe it would -No.
“Yes, you are, but that’s not infallible, and you are on the way to becoming a star bridge builder, and I won’t risk you getting pregnant and interrupting that.” I get to my feet and kiss her forehead. “Now come on, let’s go get your phone.”
The streets are quiet as I navigate my way through our neighbourhood and out to the highway. The next 24-hour store is a twenty minute drive away, and the roads are completely quiet. Amber sits beside me, a duffel bag of her clothes at her feet, and her phone in hand as she answers all the snaps and calls she missed while she was in my bed.
“Laurie was really freaking out,” she says with a laugh. “She’s such a worry wart.”
“That she is.”
“My parents got to Boston fine.” She puts the phone down in the door of the car and turns to look at me. “I told them all I was asleep.”
“Good.” I reach over and take her hand, pressing it to my lips, which earns me a little giggle. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
I inhale carefully and take the left-hand turn towards the highway. “You’ve said a few things, like about the ‘I Love Yous’, and anal sex, and just now with the choking.” I cast a quick glance over at her, barely catching any of her features in themostly dark car, before putting my eyes back on the road. “I don’t mean to pry, but… Did this guy, I mean, did he hurt you?”
“If you’re asking if he raped me, he didn’t.” She draws her knees up against her chest, and stares out the windshield with a sigh. “It wasn’t likethat. But… I don’t know. I thought I was mature enough to know what I wanted and how to ask for it, but I was pretty inexperienced. I never had a boyfriend in high school. My mom was against me dating before I turned 18.”
“And how do you feel about that?”
She sighs heavily and wraps her arms around her legs. “I understood it, or at least I tried to, but I also think she sheltered me too much. I went to college, and then I was surrounded by all these handsome men, not high school boys, and I was kind of star-struck, does that make sense?”
I nod and dart another quick glance in her direction to see her chewing her lip. “That makes complete sense, honey.”
“I guess it didn’t prepare me for what guys are like. I thought having three older brothers, I would know all about boys. But having boys in your family, and dating them, well… That’s really not the same thing.” She drops her head back against the headrest. “At all.”
“No, I imagine it’s not.” I pause at the Stop sign, glancing over again, at this impossibly young woman whose voice is already weary with disappointment. “I’m sorry.”
She rolls her head against the headrest to look at me, meeting my eyes for just a moment before I turn my attention back to the road.
“You don’t have to be sorry.”
“Yes, I do.” I scratch my cheek with my thumb and sigh. “I hear shit like this too often, and it makes me wonder what part we men all play in it. Letting our buddies talk shit about women, all those off-colour jokes that you know are wrong, but you don’t call them out, because it’sjust a joke, right?” I shrug,accelerating as the road meets the highway and the long stretch of black winds into the night ahead of us. “And then pretty girls like you go out into the world and feel like it’s your fault for not being experienced, when really it’s just asshole guys taking advantage of that.”
Her hand is on my arm, stroking gently, and she lets out a soft laugh. “You really are the sweetest.”
No I’m not. I’m an old man who’s doing something he shouldn’t, with a woman who’s far too young for him.
But I’m not going to admit that to myself. I push those thoughts down, far, far down and away, where they can’t escape and shove reality into my stupid face. I take Amber’s hand, and kiss it again, and again, as though holding that perfect, delicate hand to my mouth makes everything that happened to her alright, and everything I’m doing with her worth it.
I am a better man.
I won’t hurt her.
I’ll give her a fun time, a good weekend, and then I’ll send her on her way knowing what she should expect from a man.
Nothing more.
The parking lot is practically empty as we pull up, hardly surprising considering the late hour, and a welcome relief knowing we definitely won’t run into someone we might know. Amber huddles under my arm, letting me shield her against the icy breeze. She wraps her arms around my waist, and dammit, but it feels so good.
We amble through the aisles, completely relaxed, Amber cracking jokes and turning to kiss me every now and then. She grabs some snacks, an oversized bottle of cold brew coffee as well as some vanilla creamer. It feels so natural to keep my arm around her, to plant a kiss against her forehead, to ask her what flavor chips are her favourite.
Danger.Danger.
We get to the personal care section, and Amber giggles into my shoulder.
“Do they even sell extra extra extra large condoms here?” She asks, and leans up to nip my earlobe with her teeth.
