He seems anxious, a little jumpy and fidgety. I hope he doesn’t regret what happened. But the way his gaze keeps dashing over to me, likely thinking I don’t notice him doing it, I know he’s at least thinkingsomethingabout me.
I keep my knee pressed against his as we work through dinner, a lovely spread of Gram’s famous lasagna, latkes, salad, homemade bread, meatballs in sauce, green bean casserole, and a few assorted vegetables.
The wine is continuously flowing, which is always helpful. It makes my shoulders loosen and allows the nerves to seep away. But I keep my wits about me, as I have too much on my mind and my heart right now to risk losing my inhibitions and saying or doing something I regret.
Conversation blooms all around us, making the room exceptionally loud. It’d be nearly impossible to even hear Link if I tried to talk with him right now.
But there is something I do hear, which is the clinking of a glass.
Aunt Billie stands up and smiles widely around the table. “I’m so glad we can all be here at Gram’s house again. This has become a yearly tradition that will go on for centuries.” We all laugh, the standing joke that Gram will outlive us all.
“And I’m very excited about our new visitor tonight.” My heart stops beating.
“It seems our Valerie has finally gotten the message and found a lovely young man to spend her time with.” My knee bounces relentlessly under the table.
“While it may have taken her a few years, Lincoln’s a very nice selection and they seem truly good together, don’t they?” All the breath leaves my body as applause breaks out around me.
That’s when Lincoln puts his hand on my knee, the one that won’t stop bobbing up and down. He squeezes my thigh and runs his hand up and down a few times.
“I think Lincoln is the sort of person Jason, our departed brother and Valerie’s father, would have liked.” At that, I grasp his hand, and he immediately links our fingers together, squeezing tightly. Of all people who know what this means, it’s him.
Tears start to well in my eyes, but I refuse to let a single one escape.
“That’s quite enough now, Billie. Sit down.” Gram’s stern voice comes out. It’s one that screams not to argue.
“Yes, Mother.” At least Aunt Billie knows she’s being scolded. Gram doesn’t like to talk about the passing of my parents, and I like it even less.
But the damage has already been done. Gram realizes it, and I’m pretty sure Lincoln does too, as he keeps his hand in mine while he picks lightly at his food, seemingly having lost his appetite.
Ihavelost mine. It went out the window right with my dignity. Though I pick up my fork, all I do is push around what’s left on my plate.
My eyes still burn as fresh tears threaten with every second that passes.
One thought has stood out in my mind for years. How am I supposed to pick somebody without my parents here to give their approval? Gram is the next best thing, but it’s not the same. And nobody in this family seems to understand that.
“Excuse me.” With a quick wipe of my mouth on the cloth napkin, I disengage from Link and stand, leaving the dining room and taking the stairs two at a time, walking down the long hallway upstairs until I reach my childhood bedroom, which sits on the opposite side of the house from the dining room.
Even still, the noise downstairs is so boisterous it’s not until I close the door that I finally drown it all out.
Chapter 17
Lincoln
Idon’tknowwhatValerie’s aunt was possibly thinking, or what good could have come from what she said, but I completely understand why Valerie needs a few minutes. My only concern is her, but I’m wondering if I should leave her alone or go be a shoulder to cry on.
I understand her pain more than others. Everybody at this table lost somebody, a son, a brother, a sister, and daughter-in-law. But Valerie lost her parents, and there are few things worse than that. You go through life feeling adrift because your guide stones are gone. And anybody who steps in their place, while sometimes a fair replacement, is not the same.
I turn to Gram, wanting her thoughts on the matter. It’s as though she was waiting for me to meet her eye, and I see a shift in hers when I meet them. She juts her chin in the direction that Val went, and I quietly excuse myself.
I have no idea where she could have gone, but after checking the downstairs bathroom, I decide to try upstairs. Something is pushing me in that general direction.
There are six rooms up here, most of which have the door open. But as I walk down the hall, I see the one on the right at the end has the door shut.
It’s as good a place to look as any. I try the knob, but it’s locked, so I use my knuckles to rap lightly at the door.
“Val? It’s Link. Mind if I come in?”
There’s no answer, and I rest my forehead against the door. Is she in there? Do I stay?
