“I think it looks…” Marcy hesitated. “I think it looks nice.”
“You don’t sound too enamoured. What’s the problem? I know it’s nothing like your spectacular palace, but I spend most of my time at work, so I don’t need much space.”
“And with me,” Marcy said. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with me lately.”
“True. That too, so depending on how it goes between us, I may not be there very much.”
“What do you mean by ‘depending on how it goes between us’?” Marcy asked.
“Exactly that.” Zoe waited for a reply, but Marcy remained silent. “What’s wrong? You sound… I don’t know, you sound upset. Did I say something wrong?”
“No, not at all.” Marcy quickly recovered, putting on her usual chirpy tone. “Listen, can we talk? Tonight, after work? Come over here when you’re done.”
“Okay.” Zoe felt a pang of unease. Something wasn’t right, but she didn’t know Marcy well enough to know whether she’d offended her somehow, or if she had other things she wanted to talk about. Either way, it didn’t look promising.See? There it is. The moment has come. Marcy isn’t so sure anymore.Maybe Zoe’s message had made her nervous. But it wasn’t that drastic to ask her for advice, was it? She wasn’t asking Marcy to get a place together; it was for herself. Maybe she’d panicked after Zoe had showed up at her house while her parents were there. Maybe she’d panicked after Zoe had come out to her mother and invited her to meet her parents. Or perhaps it was the combination of both that had made her realise it was getting too serious for her liking after all.
Forcing herself to focus on the information pack instead, Zoe tried to push the negative thoughts away, but it wasn’t easy. She and Marcy had only been dating for a month and already she suspected Marcy was pulling away. It had been three wonderful weeks, though, and other than today there had been no signs of doubt from her side. Marcy had been flirty, considerate, kind and assertive, contacting her more than the other way around.Was it something I said?Zoe wished she’d recorded the conversation because somewhere between the first ‘hello’ on the phone and the moment she’d hung up, something had happened.It was all too much, too soon.
“Damn it,” she mumbled, then sat back with a sigh. “I should’ve just stayed away from her.”
62
Marcy didn’t know where to start because she wasn’t sure what she wanted to say in the first place. She was perched on the edge of the sofa, rubbing her hands together as she struggled to find words. She wasn’t very good at this heavy, serious talk thing; she hadn’t had much practice.
“Just say it.” Zoe had been stand-offish since she’d arrived but now, she’d simply gone cold, and she was sitting in the chair opposite her, rather than next to her on the sofa.
“I don’t know how to…” Marcy sighed, and she looked skyward, asking the universe to help her express herself.
“You’ve had enough?” Zoe folded her arms in front of her chest. “You’re done, aren’t you? You’re bored and you want to move on.”
“What? No!” Marcy’s eyes widened as she shook her head vigorously. “How can you say that? What have I done to make you think I’m bored of you? Being with you is my favourite thing in the world.” She narrowed her eyes as she stared at Zoe. “Have you had enough of me? Is that what this is?”
“No.” Zoe studied her for long moments as if she wanted to make sure she wasn’t lying, then visibly relaxed. “I’m sorry.” She moved to the sofa and placed a hand on Marcy’s thigh. “You were so weird on the phone earlier and then you said you wanted to talk so I just assumed that you wanted to break up with me.”
“God, no.” Marcy leaned into Zoe and stroked her face. “You couldn’t be more wrong. I’m totally into you.” She hoped Zoe could see the sincerity in her eyes.
“Then what’s wrong?”
“The rental,” Marcy said. “Eighteen months is a long time; it’s quite a commitment.”
“Yes. But I need somewhere to live, and who knows? I might love it and be there for five or ten years if I like it.”
“Okay.” Marcy nodded. “But what about us?”
“What about us?” Zoe asked, clearly not getting where she was coming from.
“Well, you’ve been here most nights over the past three weeks, and I don’t want to be presumptuous, but what if you still like me in say six months’ time?”
“There’s no doubt I’ll still like you,” Zoe said. “I’m not sure where you’re going with this, though.”
“Do I have to spell it out?” Marcy asked. “What if you want to move in with me at some point? Then you’re stuck with the lease.”
“Oh…” A flash of something crossed Zoe’s features as her lips parted. Was it shock? “I didn’t think that was something you’d even consider. You didn’t strike me as the type.”
“Will you stop making assumptions about me?” Marcy felt like pulling her own hair out and wondered how the hell she’d manage to get through to Zoe. “You have to forget about the past and the way I’ve lived my life. It has nothing to do with us, and I’ve had enough of that life. I don’t want anyone else. I want you.” She swallowed hard and gently placed Zoe’s hands in her own. “I only want you, Zoe.”
A long silence followed, and Zoe’s eyes welled up. Marcy had not seen her like this before. Not so emotionally raw, and she didn’t know whether to take her in her arms or leave her be.
“Okay, I believe you,” she finally said. “I only want you too.”
