Olivia wasn't sure that ‘uff’ was for public consumption, because when Satinder looked up, she broke into a smile and said, “Merry Christmas, come in. Your mother has cookedeverything. The table will soon be completely covered with a feast!”
Olivia wandered after Satinder, into the large open kitchen-diner at the rear of the bungalow, the windowed back wall onto a frosted garden twinkling with Christmas lights down to the river.
And the day hit her with full force.
Christmas carols on. Lights everywhere. A toddler tugging at a Christmas tree in the corner. Angeline Jelly Bean, now called Jumping Jelly Bean since she got to her feet. Grandmother Nicola kneeling and holding the toddler’s hands, letting her pull off safe baubles from the tree. Millie laughing with Olivia's brother. Ugh. Of course they’d get on. Bea showing Geeta her toys in a bag. And the volume of the room rocketed.
Overwhelm crept over her skin and seized her brain, and she stared frozen at the scene.
“Olivia?” she heard.
Her best friend, Charlotte, loped towards her, eyebrows concerned, long wavy chestnut hair swaying as she walked.
“Are you OK?”
She should have been.
It was all lovely, if noisy.
But all she thought of was the perfect ring, in the recycling bin, that Kate still hadn't opened. That her plans were forever going astray. And she really wanted to marry Kate. And the thought she might say no was unbearable, and she just neededto get out of this noisy, bright house, full of the best and worst people, because the best people really could be the worst at times. Apart from Kate, who was always simply the best. And she couldn’t see her anywhere.
She was going to cry. Or scream. Or curl up in the corner and rock backwards and forwards.
“Please,” she managed. “Would you take Zoe?”
“Of course, come here,” her best-friend cooed and reached out. “Come to Auntie Charlotte.”
Olivia nearly did cry then, with her friend talking to Zoe so easily and Zoe happy to tug on a ribbon of Charlotte’s long wavy hair.
“I need some air,” she gasped.
“Of course,” Charlotte replied, eyebrows roofing in concern. “This is a lot.”
Charlotte had no idea quite how much this was.
“I...”
“Go,” Charlotte whispered. “Take a break.”
Olivia turned away. She could hardly see down the hallway and instinctively headed for the blurred daylight of the front door.
As she passed the bathroom, she heard the door open and was aware of someone there. But she was out of words, and out of spoons, and needed to get outside, and as long as she made it to the door, out this noise, and crowds and...
A hand slipped into hers and warmth and solidity fell into step beside her.
“I’m here,” a mellow voice murmured, all safety and calm. A guardian of serenity while her head stormed like a hurricane.
They stepped into the snap of frost and blinding daylight.
She turned down the lane towards the river. She couldn't look at her. Just one foot in front of the other. Limbs in flight and head buzzing. She knew she had tears. They stung cold in hereyes and chilled on her cheeks. And still she kept walking, hand in Kate’s, looking straight ahead.
Down to the river, along the narrow, treelined path to the covered weir, over the lock, Kate walking ahead across the narrow walls, and onto the towpath. Pushing through the cold air, mists billowing along the river waters. Hardly anyone out for a walk. Until complete quiet and no-one.
Kate slowed by the stone bridge and spun around to her.
Olivia could barely see.
“I’m here,” Kate murmured, her breath steaming in the icy air, tickling and soothing Olivia’s cheeks.
