She sat down and switched on the desk lamp, took out a square of thin paper, and stared at it. Everyone asleep. Park Town silent. A chance to think through her worries and clearly articulate what she needed to say.
Where to begin?
She prised open the velvet box and stroked the metal ring and gem. Not sparkling new. A little softened with age. Perfect didn’t mean without bumps and wear. Like them, already far into a life together. She’d not changed her mind about this ring. And she’d never change her mind about Kate.
She drew out her favourite fountain pen, and began to write, to the heart of the matter.
I want to give you this ring as a symbol of my deep and unwavering love for you. It is the most beautiful piece I could find. I would be happy if you accepted this gift, whether worn, kept on a chain or if you cherished it in a box. We would always know it was there and what it meant.
It can be more, if you want. But I know this is complicated for you. This ring is a promise to love and supportyou, as much as if we’d vowed in marriage. This ring is also that question, should you wish me to ask it. Please think about it. You don’t have to answer straightaway.
I love you. I know you know that. But I love you more than the day we promised to try this. More than when we chose to live together. Even more than the day Zoe was born.
And this ring is to say that.
Yours,
Olivia
In tiny writing on a note, she folded her words into the velvet-box, wrapped it in striped paper and secured it with a red ribbon.
She padded down the stairs and placed the parcel beneath the Christmas tree, with her heart leaping and her stomach in knots.
There. That’s as far as she could plan. Sometimes she just needed to let go, and she sent the question out into the universe.
Now Kate would open it, roll it around in her head, and come out with something appropriate. She was good at that. Handling them all and rolling with whatever got thrown her way. And she turned upstairs and left the gift.
To Kate, to open in private, love from Olivia.
Chapter 12
Wonderful things about Christmas Day for Olivia?
Being first up with Zoe in the delicious quiet of early morning. Switching on the tree lights ready for Bea and Ralph to come down.
The giggling excitement of Bea running down the stairs, and her delight at the new bike from Santa. The shock on Ralph’s face, and the hug he gave her and Kate for his top-of-the-range skateboard.
How beautiful Kate looked, her smiles huge and cheeks pink, that made Olivia’s face ache too because she smiled so much.
Then Ralph chasing Bea around the crescents, Bea on her bike and Ralph on his skateboard.
And the excruciating?
Kate didn’t have time to even look at her presents, with the kids tearing through theirs and, of course, wanting to play straightaway.
The little present under the tree, behind the mounds of torn paper from the kids’ gifts, had a gravity of its own. Olivia couldn’t think of anything while it pulled relentlessly at her attention.
And, late morning, it was time to leave for Christmas dinner at her mother’s, which meant delaying hours before Kate opened her gift.
Zoe wriggled on the change table, in the loo next to the sitting room, Olivia trying to stay calm and speak soothingly to Zoe, while the world had different ideas about her plan. She changed the nappy in a swift and practiced operation, the business as innocuous as cleaning up after herself. Not exactlythe highlight of the day, but nothing terrible. And she attempted to distract herself from fixating on the gift.
“Mummy!” she heard Bea say in the sitting room. “You haven’t opened your presents. Shall I bring them to you?”
No.
No. No. No.
Zoe looked at her. She’d paused mid-wipe.
