But this morning, that wasn't what popped into her head.
Kate wore rings. Olivia liked her partner wearing rings. Particularly the one on her little finger that glowed a different colour depending on her mood, according to the description. The temperature of her body, Olivia thought more likely. The effect fascinated her, and Olivia could stare at the banded gem, fluctuating in tone, while appreciating Kate’s soft, pale fingers too.
“People wear them and...”
Strange, the need to elaborate on this out loud.
“They’re what you give to someone when you get married...”
And a funny sensation zipped through her stomach.
“...Or want to get married.”
And the funny feeling leaped into her throat and made her heart skip ten times.
She moved on, breathing hard, determined to show Zoe more food. She circled again. To enjoy the Covered Market at its best at Christmas, of course. No other reason she lingered.
She breathed in the smell of hot chocolate from cafes. Smiled and chatted about every detail for Zoe’s benefit. The aroma was replaced with baking pies and the lure of gravy from the pie and mash place. Then she strolled beneath the knitted pride flag hanging above the wool stall.
And they came to the jewellery shop. Again.
She stared at the rings.
Not because they were sparkly and eye-catching. But because, every time she looked at them, she pictured holding Kate’s pale hand and offering a golden band. She imagined it so intensely, she could almost feel Kate’s fingers, a little shorter and stronger than her own, and so sure when they held hands. So vividly, she feared looking up and seeing Kate's reaction, if Olivia did propose to slip the ring on her finger.
“Oh,” she said.
Then she covered her mouth.
Must she say everything out loud these days. She was getting as bad as her friend Charlotte, with this practice of saying every single obvious thing for Zoe’s benefit.
Zoe stared, long eyelashes blinking.
This feeling had been swirling underneath for months. In fact, ever since giving birth to their daughter, and a hormone-fuelled tsunami of emotions bonded her and Kate tighter.
But Olivia had never let herself articulate it.
She took a deep breath.
“I want...” She paused. “That is, it’s possible I want to get married.”
Lips in a tiny ‘o’. Big beautiful eyes. No comprehension whatsoever.
“I want to marry Mummy Kate,” Olivia clarified.
And Zoe beamed and kicked her little legs and waved her little arms.
Ah, that soppy burst of magic hit again.
“Yes, I do,” Olivia beamed back. “Yes, I do.”
Then slowly Olivia’s smile faded, and Zoe’s attention wandered. The reality of it sank in. And despite Zoe’s enthusiastic response at hearing Kate’s name, no doubt, Olivia’s stomach tied in knots.
At saying the thing, which had been bubbling under for months, that shouldn’t be said out loud.
Chapter 2
Unsettled deep inside, she wandered home across the University Parks, Zoe asleep and Olivia no longer babbling to comfort her.
