Lillian pulls back, and I see tears in her bright blue eyes. She smiles. “No, little raven. No more blaming yourself. Nothing that happened was your fault.”
“Gideon wouldn’t have hurt you if he weren’t trying to get to me. Amadeus would never have sent him if I?—”
“Shh,” she soothes before glancing at the makeshift board. “Is now a good time for that game you mentioned? Your mother told me you couldn’t stay too long.”
Glancing down, I see the same hand carved pieces she and I played with for years. The ones she gifted me for one of my “birthdays” so long ago.
Oh, my fucking gods.
I’m about to burst into tears just like Kenzie.
I manage to hold it together and nod my head. Lillian and I sit on the floor of the hovel just like we used to. Except, unlike old times, daylight filters in through the windows, illuminating this rickety old space as if this is now a happy place.
Silently, I arrange my side of the board, and she does the same. I make a move. She makes a move. I make another.
Finally, I can’t take it anymore. I look at her. “Did it work?”
She tips her head, sending a pale corkscrew curl bouncing out of her braid. “Did what work?”
“You accepted Galene’s mission in order to redeem yourself.” I pause, looking over my shabby old hovel before examining her. “Will you get to see Annabel again?”
Lillian studies the chessboard, moving another piece. “I don’t know yet. Sachar may decide I didn’t do enough. My past may be more checkered than you realize.”
I clench my teeth, looking down at the game. She’s always been good at chess, which is nice because it offers a small distraction as I have to think about my next move.
Moving one of my knights, I look at her again. “I’ll make sure you get to her. I’ll talk to Sachar.”
“Maven.”
“No,” I huff, shaking my head. “After everything you’ve been through? It’s absolute manticore shit if you don’t get what Galene promised. That’s it. No matter what it takes, I’m going to?—”
“Enough!” Lillian snaps with enough surprising volume that I shut up. Her bright blue eyes are unyielding. “EverythingI’vebeen through? Maven Amato, it’s time for you to start thinking about yourself. I made my choices, so whatever afterlife I’m assigned to, I have no regrets anymore. But I’ve watched you for years and years, and do you know what I saw?”
I move another piece after she makes a quick move. “A demigoddess with no fucking clue about her true nature?”
She shakes her head, huffing at me. “I saw a brilliant, fiercely determined girl who put others ahead of herself every time and never asked for anything in exchange. You didn’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself, even on the worst days when it was killing me to see everything they put you through. You just took it on the chin and survived so that you could do the very thingyou were chosen to do—even if you had no idea about that,” she adds.
Implying I was chosen instead of specifically made to kill Amadeus is a nice thought.
Lillian moves one of her pieces again, and I frown when I realize she’s a lot closer to checkmate than I thought.
“But mostly, I saw a girl who forgot that she deserves to be happy,” she finally murmurs, looking at me again. “You were always so busy preparing for a tragic ending. You survived for others, but it’s time you stopped putting everyone else first. It’s time you live foryou.I need you to promise me that you’ll live and love and be happy without always putting others ahead of yourself, because you deserve that and so much more.Promise.”
I consider everything she’s saying.
In my past life, I was a survivor. I made most of my choices based on necessity. The one time I really felt like I was taking matters into my own hands was when I decided to leverage my unique position as thetelumto free the Nether humans.
Maybe that’s why learning about my orchestrated existence bothered me so much. It felt like that choice was just another given—another thing I was simply made to do.
But now? Lillian is right.
I already survived the tragic fate I always anticipated. And even though I didn’t stick the landing, I’m really fucking proud of the fact that the Nether humans are free. I already know what future happiness I’m fighting for—a lifetime with my quintet.
They will always be my priority, but besides that…I wouldn’t mind being a little more selfish.
After all, a demigoddess bitch deserves a break now and then.
“I promise,” I smile at her.
