“You’re sorry you kissed me?”
“Yes.No.Shit.I don’t know.”I rise and start pacing.I pick up my mug of cocoa and take a sip.It’s like chocolate milk now, but it moistens my dry throat at least and keeps my hands occupied so I don’t reach for Phoebe and start kissing her again.
“For your information, Ollie, I kissed you.I started it.You merely kissed me back.”
Merely.Merely?A kiss that tilted the axis of my world and fulfilled so many of my dreams only rates amerelyfrom her?
“You’re drunk, Phoebe.You don’t know what you’re doing.I took advantage of you.I’m so sorry.”Shame washes over me because while I am sorry I kissed her back when she drunkenly kissed me, I don’t regret it.
“I’m not that drunk!”she shouts indignantly.“I knew I was kissing you.I wanted to kiss you.And you wanted to kiss me too.”
Well, that’s nice to hear.
“Be that as it may, how are you going to feel in the morning when you’re sober?Would you have kissed me if you weren’t three sheets to the wind?You never have before.”I’m not yelling, but my voice is louder than normal.
Tears rush to her eyes, and I curse under my breath.I didn’t mean to say that.“Phoebe, I’m sorr?—”
I don’t get to finish my apology because she’s grabbing the chocolate mousse and storming into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
Damn it.I look at what’s left of dessert and decide to pack it back up and put it in the fridge.It’s too delicious to waste, and it will be handy for breakfast.Or if I need to eat my feelings.I drain my cocoa mug and rinse it in the sink, then put Phoebe’s mostly full one in the refrigerator.It could be nuked in the morning, maybe.
With the living area tidied and our food put away, I rap softly on the bedroom door.
“Phoebe?”
No answer.Is she asleep or not answering because she’s pissed at me?I guess there’s only one way to find out.
Cautiously, I crack open the door.The room is dark except for moonlight streaming in through the window.I see the hotel bathrobe and a swath of blue satin on the chair and almost pass out from the blood rushing from my brain to my cock at the thought of Phoebe being in bed naked.I glance at the bed and see her lying on her side of the bed, facing the window so the moonlight kisses her features the way I wish I still was.She’s sleeping.Or pretending to be asleep.Her hands are tucked under her cheek, and I can see she’s wearing a long-sleeve shirt.One bare foot is sticking out from beneath the blanket, and the hem of a pair of leggings sits at her ankle.She may as well be wearing a suit of armor.
I use the bathroom, brush my teeth, and return to the bedroom.Do I sleep in here?I won’t fit on the sofa, and I need to try to get at least some sleep tonight.We have a game tomorrow, and I need to be well-rested.
I slide between the sheets and lie on my back, watching shadows dance upon the ceiling.I asked the woman I’m in love with to marry me today, and she said yes.I had my first kiss with her, and it was better than I had ever imagined.Those are dreams come true.Why do they now feel like nightmares?
24
PHOEBE
I pretendto be asleep when Ollie comes into the bedroom.He’s sorry he kissed me.The best kiss of my life, and he regrets it.I wasn’t that drunk!I wasn’t that woozy in the hospital when I called him my fiancé either.Yeah, I’m a little bit tipsy now, and at the hospital, the medication knocked me for a loop, but I could have said “sister’s brother-in-law.”I said “fiancé” because that’s what I wanted.Even if it was only for a few minutes until it all got worked out, I could pretend to have the life I dreamed of.
It's not that I’m a manipulative person, or an envious person, I’m truly not.But for once, I wanted to have what others do.I guess that does make me envious.But I’m not a bad person.Being alone, being lonely my entire life has been hard.Today I got to know what that felt like when Ollie dropped to a knee and proposed.It felt so real.So right.I don’t want to lose that.
And I’m going to.It’s all going to slip away.He’ll be busy playing and getting to know the team.I’m sure the puck bunnies will be swarming him.He’s kissed a woman now.And he’s incredible at it.If that’s how he is naturally, it’s a good thing he hasn’t been out and about kissing women for years.They’d never leave him alone.I can’t help but wonder if he’s as naturally gifted at sex.I bet he is.And I’ll never know.
When he comes into the bedroom and slides into bed next to me, I hold my breath, hoping he reaches out to wrap his arms around me and snuggle close the way we have the past couple of nights.But he doesn’t.He lies on his back before he turns to his side, facing away from me.It feels like there’s a brick wall erected between us in this king-size bed.Silent tears slip out as I press my lips tightly together to keep the sobs in.This is the loneliest I’ve ever felt in my entire life.I thought I had my heart broken before when some of my ex-lovers left me.I was so wrong.This is what true heartbreak feels like.
* * *
I don’t know which one of us moved first or when, but somehow, I end up wrapped in Ollie’s arms with my head resting on his chest, my ear resting over his heart.It’s strong, steady beat soothes me.The light isn’t the moonlight I fell asleep to.It’s the soft light of dawn streaming through the window.This would be the perfect way to start any day…if my bladder wasn’t screaming for relief.There’s no holding it in.If I don’t get up now, there’s no way I’ll ever be able to show my face in Devil’s Den again.They’ll post pictures of me saying, “Warning: Bed Wetter” throughout the employee areas.
Reluctantly, I ease out of Ollie’s arms, tears coming to my eyes when he resists and tries to snuggle me closer.Would he want to hold me if he was awake?Probably not.I use the powder room so I don’t wake him.And so he won’t hear me if I start crying again.
I’m not drunk or even tipsy.Stone-cold sober with a slight hangover is my current situation.There’s a Tylenol left, so I take it with a swig of water.Sleep won’t be happening, and I don’t want to disturb Ollie by tossing and turning.I wonder if there’s anything left from our dessert last night?Opening the fridge, I see my mug of cocoa.He’s such a sweet man to save it for me.I put the mug in the microwave, popping a marshmallow in my mouth while I wait for it to get hot.
I sip it slowly as I stand at the window and watch the sun rise over the ocean.It’s so beautiful here.The ocean always soothes me.In the summer, we’d stay at my grandparents’ house in Ocean City, and I was at the beach every moment I could be.Some years, I even convinced them to spend weekends there in the fall and winter.That’s how I first encountered the seals that would winter in the area and started volunteering at the stranding center.If I had the opportunity, I’d choose to be a seal shifter.Being able to glide through the water so effortlessly would be heavenly.People think fat seals are adorable, and the blubber is an advantage for keeping warm in cold ocean waters and added buoyancy.It’s not appreciated the same way on my human female frame.
“Phoebe.”
My name in Ollie’s deep, sleep-roughened voice sends shivers up and down my spine in the best way possible.What would it be like to hear him say my name like that in bed?
