“You know what I want to do this afternoon?”he asks.
I shake my head.I have suggestions that have us making use of this bed we’re sitting on, but Ollie has other ideas.
“Let’s go ring shopping.There’s a jewelry store downstairs.Maybe you’ll see something you like.”The sweet smile he gives me makes my tummy flip.
“Ollie, I don’t need a ring.It’s silly.We aren’t really engaged.It’s a waste of money.”
He stands, picking me up so I can stand too.When I’m steady on my feet, he steps back and starts pacing.
“Phoebs, it’s not a waste of money.We need to make this engagement convincing, especially now that you’re going to be doing promo for the show, and if it gets picked up, it’ll be televised.At the very least, it’s going to be in the local news and on social media.A ring is going to help with all of that.You want to do this, right?At least until your show is done?”He shrugs.“Obviously, it’s going to help me too.If people see we’re engaged and assume we’re acting like a typical engaged couple, then no one is going to care if I said I was a virgin on the show because if I’m engaged, I’m probably not a virgin anymore.You wear a ring, come to my games.I’ll go to your show.We go on some dates.We’ll be living together.I want to get through the next couple of months.After the season ends and Shelby has the baby, we can go back to normal.”
What’s normal?Coming home to an empty condo?Sleeping alone?Wanting someone to love me?Wanting a life like Shelby has with a husband and a baby on the way?I want my own family, my own people.Someone who picked me and didn’t see me as a tagalong to Shelby.Yeah, I’mfriendlywith Mallory because I’m making her wedding cake, and Daphne because of her friendship with Shelby, but we aren’tfriends.
“Yeah, back to normal,” I say.
“You’ll have your condo back to yourself when I move back to Oregon.”
Whoa.Hold up.“What do you mean when you move back to Oregon?That’ll be at least a few years from now, right?”
Ollie turns toward the bedroom door.“I need something to drink.You want something?”
I follow him to the kitchenette area and accept the bottle of water he offers me, then take a seat on the couch.
He starts pacing again.“I don’t expect to be signed by the Devil Birds for next season.They have no reason to keep me.They have a stacked team.I don’t want to go to another team.This will be a one-and-done year for me, and I’ll go start my career.”
I shake my head, hoping the pieces will fall into place like a game of Tetris and make sense.“But why Oregon?”
He shrugs.“It’s home.Where else would I go?”
I feign nonchalance.“Yeah.I guess I didn’t realize you still considered Oregon home.”
He stops and looks at me.“That’s where I grew up.My parents and sister are there.It’s where I’m comfortable.If I’m not playing hockey and we aren’t together, then I’m not sure I have a reason to stay.”
Nodding, I simply say, “Yeah.”
The way Ollie cocks his head as he studies me is both adorable and unnerving.I feel like he’s seeing too much.Or not enough.Can’t he see I want him to stay here with me?That I want this to be real?I don’t want to have to choose between being with him and being close to my sister and her family and having the career I want.
“Do you still consider Pennsylvania home?”he asks.“Why is your face scrunching up like that?”
“I lived in Pennsylvania growing up, but it wasn’t home.”I feel pathetic admitting this.“I’ve lived in places, but I’ve never had what I’d call a home.This is the closest to having a home I’ve had.I like it here.”
I can’t stand the pity in his gorgeous brown eyes, so I stand and turn away.“Should I get changed for ring shopping?Or is what I’m wearing okay?”
You know what?Screw it.I’m sending change-of-address cards because I’m moving to the land of delusion.The world thinks we’re engaged.We’re going to act engaged publicly.So I’m living my life like we’re engaged.I’m going to be the best damn fiancée ever.Fake it till I make it—all that stuff.Maybe it’ll be enough to convince Ollie that what we have could be real.Or at least good enough.I love him enough for both of us.I know he cares about me.I believe he’s physically attracted to me.We have a solid friendship.Marriages have been built on way shakier foundations.
He stands in front of me with his arms open, and I stand and step into them.Ollie gives the best hugs.This.This is my home.It’s not a building or a place on the map.It’s with Ollie.I love him.Pressing my head against his shoulder so he can’t see my face, I blink back the tears that have sprung to my eyes.
“Phoebe, you could wear an inflatable rubber duck costume, and I’m going to think you look perfect.But it would be hard to slip a ring on a wing.So the jeans and sweater you’re wearing are perfect.”I feel the kiss he presses to my hair.Why can’t he kiss me for real?Hair kisses, forehead kisses, kisses on the cheek, they’re all nice.But I want an honest-to-goodness lip kiss.Not a chaste peck.I want passion, desire,tongue.
We leave the suite, and Ollie holds my hand as we take the elevator down to the main floor of the hotel.There are gift shops, restaurants, and luxury stores beside the casino floor.I’ve walked past them and admired items in the windows but have never been in them.Especially not the jewelry store.Being a weekday afternoon, it’s not that busy.Before we enter the store, I tug on Ollie’s hand to stop him.
“Ollie, I really can’t wear a ring while I’m working.It’s against the health code.I don’t wear necklaces either because they can get caught in a mixer or get hot against an oven rack when I’m putting things in or taking them out.”I long to try them on and pretend we’re really engaged, but I don’t want Ollie wasting his money on something I can’t wear.
He nods.“That makes sense.Hockey players don’t wear rings while playing in case we jam a finger or whatever.We can shop for something you can wear when you aren’t working.Put it on when you’re out socially, wear it around the house, whatever.That’s what the guys do.Okay?”He cocks his head and looks at me quizzically.“Is that okay?I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.This is supposed to be fun.”
“Yeah, it’s okay.We need to make sure we can return it though.I don’t want you to waste your money.”
I must have imagined the flash of hurt that crossed his face.He knows this is temporary.He’s the one moving to Oregon at the end of the season.
