13
OLLIE
I almost kissed Phoebe—twice.Stupid snowplow.Finally snuck in a kiss on the cheek, but it’s not enough.For the first time, I wish I had kissed someone along the way so I’d know what the hell I was doing.What’s the point of waiting for the right person if I don’t know what to do with her?
Phoebe’s experienced.She isn’t going to put up with me fumbling around and being insecure.A woman as beautiful as Phoebe can have any man she wants.She can have someone smooth who knows how to please a woman.Why would she want me, a virgin who doesn’t have a clue?I mean, I know the basics—not that porn is the best way to learn what realistic intimacy looks like, but I know enough.You hear stuff in the locker room and on buses to games.A lot of it is bullshit, but some is helpful.
My uncle has a dude ranch in eastern Oregon, and I worked there during the summer.I’d help break horses for the saddle.I hate the term “break.”I prefer to think of it as exposing them to the saddle and helping them adjust.You must be patient with the horses and get them used to your presence and the weight of the equipment.
That’s what I’m trying to do with Phoebe.Get her used to me being around as her roommate, sharing space.Sneak in little touches here and there, like how we ended up holding hands on our walk.Building up to hugs and eventually deeper feelings and greater intimacy.
God forbid she ever knows I’m treating her like a horse.That’s probably a mood killer.
“What’s so funny?”Phoebe asks as she pauses in lifting a spoonful of soup to her lips.
“Huh?”
“You’re staring off into space and smiling, and the way your shoulders were shaking, I figure you’re laughing to yourself.”
“Oh.”I look down into my soup bowl, where I’m idly stirring it with my spoon.“I was thinking about horses.”
“That’s random.Do you ride?”Her lips are glistening from the soup.
“Yeah, my uncle has a dude ranch back home in Oregon.I worked with the horses there in the summer.”
A big, beautiful smile crosses Phoebe’s face, and my heart stutters.She’s so lovely.“I grew up riding horses!Totally horse crazy.I did dressage.I was never going to the Olympics or anything like that, but I enjoyed it while I did it.I stopped as I was starting high school and getting involved with boys and other things.”
And my heart drops with a thud.Getting involved with boys.She’s been there, done that with clueless guys.She’s not going to want to go through that again while I try to get up to speed.
“Cool,” I say, tasting the soup.“Hmm…this is good.”
She cocks her head and gives me awtflook.
“What?”I ask.
Shrugging, she picks up her sandwich.“I don’t know, it was a weird change of subject.We were talking horses, and then you’re talking about soup.”
“I like the soup and wanted you to know that.We can talk about horses more if you want.Do you have a favorite breed?”
Her sigh is a smidge shy of exasperation, and I don’t know why.
“I’ve never ridden one, but I think Lipizzaners are gorgeous.My grandparents took us to a show once when they were on tour.Those white stallions are so graceful.It was breathtaking.It’s like watching ballet.I think dressage is beautiful already, but to see it performed by those horses is on a whole other level.What about you?Do you have a favorite breed?”
The way her face lights up talking about these horses makes me wish I was an equine shifter instead of a Bigfoot.I make a mental note to see if there’s a tour this year so I can take her to see them.
“Friesians.They’re elegant, and they’re big enough that I don’t feel like I’m a burden.My uncle has a couple he uses for carriage driving for special events like weddings or whatever.But I’ve ridden them with a saddle too, and they were good mounts.”
Conversation drops off, and we eat our lunch in silence.It’s not the companionable silence we usually have.This is awkward.Did I do something wrong?Should I have not kissed her on the cheek?She kissed mine before we went for our walk, so I thought it would be okay to kiss hers too.I wish I wasn’t so clueless about this stuff.
“Do you still want to go by your condo this afternoon?”I ask to jumpstart the conversation.
She nods.“Yeah, if that’s okay?”
“Of course it’s okay.Let me go put a couple boxes in your car before we go.”I rise from the table and take my dishes to the sink to rinse and load in the dishwasher.I do Phoebe’s too when she carries them over.
“Anything you want to take back?”I ask.“I’ll grab that too.”
Finn and Shelby will be back tomorrow evening, so tonight is Phoebe’s last overnight here.Mine too.
