“What about you, Juniper? You’ve mentioned your family. What about Billy’s Dad?”
“Well, that’s a bit of a weird story.” She leaned back in her chair, taking a sip of wine and holding onto the glass as she gazed out at the ocean for a long moment. It was a weird story, and he might not like it, might judge her. She weighed up the options. She decided that if he was going to judge her, she’d rather know now than later. “My late twenties precipitated a bit of a crisis for me. A lot of things were coming to a head with my family, my work wasn’t fulfilling me anymore and I just had a feeling that something was missing, that there had to be something more to life than this.” She paused, considering how best to explain it.
“I know the feeling,” he said softly, surprising her.
“Really?”
“Yes, but back to you.”
“Right. Well, I started feeling like thesomething moremight be a baby. Once I got the idea in my head, I couldn’t let it go. It just grew and grew. So, I started seriously looking around for someone I could marry that would give me a baby. That seems so ridiculous now that I’m doing it on my own, but I was still tied to my family’s expectations so at first that seemed the obvious solution.”
“That makes sense.”
“But there was just no one I could imagine being with in that way. Then one day I went to a Celtic festival, and I saw this man, and I just got this feeling. This flash of rock-hard certainty. This was it. This was exactly how I should do it. So, I approached him.” She paused, searching his face, but it was shuttered, impassive. She took another sip of wine, feeling a little niggle of nervousness. “We talked for a little while, then I just came out with it. I just told him what I wanted. And he agreed.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that. I said I had no interest in a relationship, but he could be as involved as he liked. He said he wasn’t ready to be a dad, his lifestyle didn’t really allow it. But I’ve got his phone number, so if ever Billy wants to get in touch with him, he can.”
“He doesn’t ask?”
“Not yet. Maybe he’s still too young. But he’s got Mikayla and Rafe, and John and Nora. They’re his family. Maybe he just doesn’t want for more.” She stopped then, looking at him, trying to gauge his reaction. Pure nervousness washed over her as she realized that her reasoning before, was based on false bravado. It mattered that he not judge her. So much more than she could have imagined even a few minutes earlier.
“I think you’re amazing.”
She let out an explosive breath. “Really?”
“God yes. What a thing to do, on your own. And Christ, you can hardly look at Billy and think he was a mistake.”
She put a hand over her heart, where it was squeezing painfully. She couldn’t control the tears that welled in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks.
“Hey,” he said, softly. She rose hastily to her feet, rounding the table and before he had the chance to do the same, was in his lap, her arms around his neck, her face buried in his shoulder. His arms came around her, holding tight.
She stayed there for a little while, basking in the feel of his body against her, of the relief that had flooded her at his reaction. She pulled back to look at him, wiping at the tears on her face. “It matters to me that you think that.” Then she pressed a soft kiss to his lips, but he pulled back before she could deepen it.
“Why would I not think that?”
She reached up and with the tip of her index finger, rubbed at the furrow between his brows. She’d hurt his feelings. “I can’t explain to you how it was with my family when I told them. It was awful. They were awful. So, I’m a little sensitive about it. I’m sorry.”
“Fair enough.” He kissed her again before saying, “You know what you need?”
“What?”
“Dessert.”
“Yes!” She moved to get off his lap, but he tightened his grip around her waist.
“You can have it where you are.” He reached down into the picnic basket and pulled out two chuppa chups. “We’ve got strawberries and cream or coca cola. Lady’s choice.”
She laughed, delighted. “Budget didn’t stretch to dessert?”
“You got it.”
“Strawberries and cream, please.” She worked the wrapper off then looked at him quizzically. “You’re giving me a lollypop without making any rude jokes?”
“I’m a responsible, mature adult. I’m sure I can handle it.”
Holding his gaze, she put the lollypop in her mouth and sucked. “Hmm, it’s not very big.”
