Her pink lips lift in an impish grin. “You’re not bad to look at yourself.”
Kerri’s compliments make me feel…I don’t even know. Strange. They make me think that maybe she and I might have a chance at some kind of happiness together. Something like what Wraith and Jester have with their women. But then my past comes crashing down on me, a reminder of everything that’s not possible for someone as ruined as me.
My ugly runs too deep.
Kerri is too pure. Too clean.
I’ll destroy everything good in her.
But I have her for right now, and I’m too much of a monster not to take advantage.
So how come every time I think about leaving the Death Star and going back to Mayhem, I want to do stupid shit. Like keep Kerri locked in this cabin and pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist. Because when she kisses me…Goddamn. When her mouth is on me and she’s kissing me and she’s clawing at me, everything drops away, leaving only her. Her delicious taste. Her intoxicating scent. I get lost in her, and the worst part is, I don’t want to be found.
And it scares me.
Me.
An Unholy.
Who isn’t afraid of a motherfucking thing.
14
KERRI
Time is a funny thing. I never felt it slip away until now. These last few weeks have been a noose around my neck. I’m gasping for my next breath while playing a brutal waiting game. Waiting for my father to die. I’m waiting for my mother to make the painful decision to end his life support. Now, I’m also waiting—hoping—for the Unholy to uncover any information about who attacked my family.
Havoc told me that it’s not as easy as I thought. Yes, the Unholy have ways to hide from NSA and FBI listeners and from hackers who troll the internet and cell phone communications searching for intel to sell on the dark web. But they must tread carefully. Keep their digital footprint small and continually wipe their steps clean. It’s an arduous task, and nothing is foolproof. Even when keeping in contact with Jester, Havoc speaks in code and half-conversations, making it difficult and frustrating to have an actual conversation.
The separation from my family is taking a toll. I want to hold my dad’s hand. Be there for my mother and Nate because we’re stronger together as a family. Instead, we’ve been apart for precisely thirteen days. Almost two full weeks spent with me playing house with Havoc. Hoping the coward who shot my father will make one fatal mistake that will bring him out of the shadows and end this.
And yet, I wish I could manipulate time. Grind it to a halt for a bit longer. Because as awful as this makes me, I also don’t want to leave this mountain.
I’m fighting a war within myself. One part of me demands I snap back to my usual sense of control and responsibility. The other wants to hold on to these precious moments because once we return to reality, our time here will become one more memory that will slowly fade, like a dream lost with the morning.
“What’s wrong?”
Havoc’s commanding voice wraps around me. I smile at him, and… Surprise, surprise. He frowns at me in return. I think his mouth is physically incapable of grinning. Like, his face will crack if he tries.
Even when we had sex, he looked angry-serious. He was a man on a mission. A quest, if you will, to seek—and destroy—my elusive G-spot. And my God, he found it. I wondered if I evenhada G-spot. And if I had one, if the poor thing was defective. But Havoc certainly proved it exists and that it works perfectly fine. It simply needed the proper touch. In fact, my body is still all…tingly…thanks to his expert hands.
And tongue.
Teeth, too.
I shield my eyes against the sun filtering in through the canopy of maple trees in this secluded corner of the backyard. “Nothing’s wrong. Why?”
Havoc sits next to me on the bench but far enough away so that no part of him touches any part of me. “Because I know that look, Kerri.”
Why lie? By now, I’ve learned he’ll badger me until I answer him honestly.
“Just thinking.” I scooch closer to him and rub his thigh as if I have any right to put my hand on him. He doesn’t slap me away or get grouchy about it, which is a good sign. “I don’t want this to end.”
If I’m already being truthful, I might as well go the extra mile.
God, I hate it when he scowls. Havoc’s resting face is already grim, but when he glares, he looks evil. I’m not at a place where I’m entirely comfortable around his sudden mood shifts, especially not when he directs his temper at me. “This, what?”
I motion to the mountain. At the forest that surrounds us. The Death Star. I sag with relief when the tension in him ebbs. “I wish I could freeze time and hide away forever.” When I close my eyes and tilt my face to the sky, I drag in the crisp October air. I reopen my eyes and find Havoc watching me. Like I’ve spoken in a foreign language he’s struggling to understand. “I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with your mountain.”
