And then I wait for her to throw her remaining coffee in my face at my deliberate taunt.
Kerri shocks the hell out of me by letting out one of her deep belly laughs that causes her to drop the mug. I let go of her arm and catch the cup before it crashes to the ground, with lukewarm liquid sloshing over my hand. Irritated now, I wait for her to calm her jolly fucking self.
When the last of her laughter is spent, she wipes the tears from her eyes and punches me square in the chest. “Oh, my God, Havoc, I haven’t laughed that hard in years.”
“I’m thrilled I can be of service,” I grumble between clenched teeth as I shove the mug at her.
She accepts the cup, still smiling. “Touching you wasn’t awful, either.”
When I pull her in for a kiss, our cold noses brush. I keep it short and simple before shoving her away. “Are you running low on medication?”
She blinks at me, clearly confused. “Medication?”
“Your medication, Kerri. Simple question. Discord mentioned he brought you pills. What are they for, and do you have enough?”
She taps her temple. “Epilepsy, and yes, I now have a three-month supply.” She tilts her head, a puzzled expression scrunching her face. “I had assumed Faith told you about my condition.”
“Faith?” I lift a brow at her ridiculous assumption. “You thoughtFaithwould talk about someone behind their back?”
“Okay, you have a point.” Faith’s loyalty is unmatched, and her ability to keep a secret is remarkable. “It’s not a big deal, and it’s not like I hide it. But it’s not like my epilepsy comes up in casual conversation.” She shrugs. “I don’t have grand mal seizures. You don’t have to worry that I’ll drop to the floor and convulse. Mine are silent. You wouldn’t even realize I’m having one. I fade out for a few seconds, that’s all, and I haven’t had one in years.”
She glances away, guilty as sin.
“Liar.”
“I had one.” She holds up her index finger. “One. When you came back with the groceries, the morning after we got here. Remember when we were putting everything away? You asked, well, yelled actually, what was wrong with me. I drifted out for a moment.”
“No, you mean you had a fucking seizure and didn’t tell me.” If I grip my mug any tighter, it’s going to crack because I’ve never wanted to shake a woman so badly in my life.
My luck, I’ll shake her, she’ll have another seizure, and I’ll feel like shit.
“Sorry,” she says with a cringe. “I promise to tell you if I have any more.”
“You fucking better,” I warn her. “Go inside before you freeze to death. I forget you’re too delicate for mountain weather.”
“Your rotten mood doesn’t give you the right to boss me around.” Up goes her chin, and even though I’ve got six inches of height on her, she somehow glares down her nose at me. “And I’ve proven I can handle this mountain.”
Christ, she’s pretty in her defiance. Simultaneously ice and fire. “Yeah, you have. But go inside, Kerri. You’re cold, and I’m starving. Start breakfast while I grab more wood.”
She spins on her heel and walks to the cabin, her strides long and her movements graceful. She might as well be marching toward a palace instead of a safe house in the middle of nowhere. The glance over her shoulder does it, though. Levels me, and I don’t like it because Idolike it. Too much. Everything about her inches me closer to a razor’s edge. This woman has too much power over me, and it can cause huge problems.
She’s a weakness I can’t afford.
A dangerous distraction.
It’s true that Jester and Wraith make their relationships work. But they aren’t me.
Sure, Wraith is fucked up from his time in Gomorrah, but it’s not the same. He had his revenge after being held captive for six months. The Unholy damn near tore half the country apart looking for him once we realized he was gone. If it weren’t for Jamie, who orchestrated his escape, he would have died in a literal dungeon at the hands of her psycho husband. David Crane tortured Wraith and forced him to fight in nine death matches—all of which left my friend scarred, both physically and mentally. Jamie got him out of that hellhole. She arranged for Jester and Malice to get Wraith and her to Mayhem. It didn’t end there. Crane sent Jamie’s friend Thomas to snatch her out from under us and drag her back to Gomorrah. The Unholy hauled ass to Florida, where Wraith murdered the fuck out of Crane. We reduced Gomorrah to ash. Wraith’s demon died that day.
My demon is alive. It’s a cancer festering inside me. It whispers in my ear. Picks at my nerves. Reminds me Emmett is out there. He breathes my air. Walks this world. He needs to be put in the dirt to rot. I’ll never have peace until his blood is on my hands.
I heft an armful of wood, the need to destroy my past driving away the remnants of last night. All traces of Kerri slide away like water through my fingers as I trudge toward the house. All I see is Emmett’s smug face, with his thick beard and those shit-brown eyes glaring down at me. Challenging me, even though I was too young and too weak to fight back.
“Whatcha gonna do, boy? Nothing is what. That’s right. Nothing.”
His slurred voice and Discord’s muffled cries echo in my head, louder than thunder. They’re sounds I can’t unhear, not if I lived a thousand lifetimes. The sight of them, how Emmett pinned my brother to the bed, is so deeply ingrained in my brain I can never dig it out. Never forget what I saw. The blood and tears that came afterward as I held Discord in my arms and promised—swore—I’d grow strong enough to protect him.
And I did.
