He mutters something and yanks me across the main room and down the hallway. I have to bite my lip to keep from voicing the fury brewing inside of me as we pass the room where Wraith is doing…whatever it is he’s doing in there.
Oh, I knowexactlywhat that rat bastard is doing in there.
He’s breaking my heart is what he’s doing.
So, I’m going to break his because he started this childish game of tit for tat.
No one said I have to play. I can leave. Go back to Wraith’s house and…what? Wait for him to come home stinking of her perfume? Go to sleep and pretend he hasn’t crushed my soul? Go against my nature and cry into my pillow until I’ve spent my last tear? Or do one better and allow my heart to remain stone and forget I’m an actual person? Because I’m skating dangerously close to a razor’s edge where I can turn my feelings off completely.
Or, I can also sink to a new level of low and play Wraith’s stupid game and deal with the fallout later.
When we get to an empty bedroom, Jester flings me inside and slams the door. He sets the empty beer bottle next to the lamp on the table beside the rumpled bed. There’s also a wrapped condom. The sight of it sets off a nervous flutter in the pit of my stomach.
“What happened tonight? What’d I miss?”
I shrug. “Ask your friend.”
Those amber eyes narrow on me. The charmer is gone, replaced by a predatory stranger. He downs the rest of his beer and sets it next to mine. “I’m asking you.”
I flop down on the bed and pull off the heavy Doc Martens. “I’m staying in Mayhem. I wanted to tell Wraith, but he won’t talk to me. Won’t even look at me since we went riding the other day.”
“Awesome you’re staying. Didn’t realize you had plans to leave. Doesn’t answer my question. What happened, Jamie? Where’s Wraith?”
Hysterical laughter bubbles out of me. One of those nonsensical laughs that start from the toes. “Maybe you should get him a little bell. Put it around his neck since you keep losing him.”
It’s a cruel thing to say, but I’m furious. Heartbroken. Cut to the core, and I want someone to hurt too because I’m tired of hurting alone. Of always holding in my pain. Pretending I’m fine even when I’m dying inside.
Jester grabs me by the shoulders and gives me a violent shake. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
The laughter dies in my throat, and the fog lifts. “Must be something about seeing… What’s her name? Oh, right. Rissa. Seeing her on her knees between Wraith’s legs brought out the nasty in me.” I shake myself out of Jester’s hold and brace myself on my elbows. My head is hazy, and my body is wonderfully warm, and for the first time in my life, I don’t care about choosing my words. “I won’t apologize for being human. You know what else, Jester? It made me realize I’m an idiot. I’ve wasted all these years being a virgin. But I’m over it. This is Mayhem, right? Here, I get to pick my pleasure. Well, I’m picking it.”
Jester’s expression is priceless. If a jaw can literally drop open, his does. Gapes, actually, but he snaps it shut and steps back. “The fuck you say?”
My skirt rode up when I got on the bed, and I adjust it, suddenly aware of how much of my thighs are exposed. Well, not my thighs, but my scars. “You heard me.”
He rakes his gaze over me, and it’s almost a physical touch. “You never had sex?”
I use my index finger to make a sloppy cross over my heart. “Swear to God.”
“Christ,” he mutters. “There’s a house full of men out there who’d give up a kidney to fuck you. Why me, Jamie?”
I shrug, suddenly not as confident as I need to be to see this preposterous plan through. “Why not you?”
He closes the distance between us and grabs me by the nape of my neck. His face is so close to mine, our lips nearly brush. “Because it’ll kill Wraith if you fuck his best friend.”
He lets me go and steps away.
Mental note: Jester is smarter than he lets on.
“Right at this minute, he’s having sex with a woman in pigtails.Pigtails, Jester. Do you honestly think he cares if I have sex, or who I have sex with?”
“Fuck yeah, he cares.” He sits on the bed and twists to face me. “What your husband did to him messed him up. He didn’t come back the same person he was before, and he’s sorting that shit out. And whatever happened between you two on that mountain got him twisted even more. But I won’t throw you out there to the wolves. If you’re determined to fuck someone tonight, I’ll get the job done, because trust me, Jamie, you don’t want one of those beasts between your legs for your first time.”
I notch my chin with false bravado. I’ve always been good at pretending, and I’m putting on a grand performance. I’m scared to death. My heart’s hammering, my limbs are numb, and I can barely breathe. There’s a lump in my throat I can’t swallow past. But I hide the fear and the doubt behind a mask of false confidence and composure.
“Good, then let’s get this done before the buzz wears off and I chicken out.”
Jester barks out a laugh. “Wraith’s an asshole.”
