Are you okay, Pumpkin?Was all Noth asked.
When I sent him an affirmative, he slipped from my mind again.
Birds chirped at me as I forced open the swollen door to Rue’s cottage. The main room, her kitchen, huddled largely undisturbed if dusty. The only sign of a struggle was the tipped-over kitchen chair on the floor. My memory said this place was a wreck–herbs and dishware scattered everywhere–but that must have been my emotions smashed to pieces.
Calm filled me. All that running had landed me back at this cottage. I couldn’t help but think that that was exactly where I was supposed to be.
My eyes ran over all the nooks and crannies of Rue’s kitchen and workspace until they rested on her witch’s secretary. The rectangular wooden box opened from the side to fold out a small altar space before thedrawers and cubbies inside. I never thought to look inside it or take it. That was Rue’s most sacred place.
Opening it, a letter fell out onto the green baize. The wordsTook you long enough…scrawled across the envelope before magically disappearing again. I laughed at Rue’s last admonishment and opened the letter.
Dearest Magpie,
I know that not telling you I was sick will come as a disappointment to you, but I didn’t want my very natural end to hang over your young and vibrant life. I want my ghost to be a friendly one you remember fondly so I hope you can forgive an old woman for her secrecy. This is only the next stage of my journey.
You made the last years a joy and filled me with a purpose I didn’t think I would find again in my third stage of life. Even though you’re a grumpy, disgruntled young woman with a passion for disregarding my sage advice, I couldn’t love you more.
I will always be proud of you, no matter what you become. Even if that’s just a pain in someone else’s ass. Keep practicing your magicand your meditation. Who knows? Someday it may pay off.
Yours in life and death,
Rue
P.S. You didn’t think I just left you words. Did you? Check in our spot.
I set down the letter, my heart full, throat thick. That was the bench by the door where she always started my mindful practice of cleaning and preparing her space for magic.
I unhinged the seat of the bench, finding Rue’s long, tattered scarves and hats. Her garden clippers that belonged outside and a few random socks. But when I dug my hand deeper, I came up with a black velvet pouch. Opening the drawstring, I spilled diamonds across my palm, their glitter reflecting my awe.
The stones sang to my power, amplifying, grounding, purifying all my years of anger and rage into what it was supposed to be. Love. I clutched the bag and her tangle of scarves, desperately trying to keep her with me. They didn’t smell like her anymore and my heart broke all over again. Tears started. This was becoming an uncomfortable habit. They plopped into the dust of my mentor’s home and finished the work of hollowing me out for something new. I could have received no greater gift from Rue and now it was time to useit.
I wishI could say I sprang out of Rue’s house with a noble purpose and stormed up to Evie and fixed everything in one glorious day, but that would be a lie. All the lessons from my childhood with Rue swamped me with uncertainty. Fear still gripped me hard, even with my new power and determination. I wanted to be the person that Rue thought I could be, but those muscles had atrophied over the years. Every shitty thing I’d done wouldn’t be undone in one day. Or even a week. Or apparently a month.
I woke up every day with the intent to work on myself and my mistakes and I took one action each moment to make that a reality. Sometimes it was sitting with Fallon and learning about her growing passion for food beyond the bakery she ran in our human village. I didn’t miss how Declan helped in the kitchen most days. Sometimes it was crying alone in my room. The release of grief slowly cleared my head. Sometimes it was showing up to some sort of Queen event Evie was forced to host and actively cheering her on. I made sure I stood well away from Ward at those events. More out of respect than fear.
I practiced my magic, my fighting stances. I took naps and attempted, once again, to go flying with Evie. My stomach didn’t survive the trip even though she had gotten better. I helped Evie wash the vomit out of her hair.
I didn’t forget about Noth in all this work. How could I? I meant what I said when I needed to deserve him. We communicated a little through the bond. I couldn’t say I didn’t come from a couple of sessions where he poured hot filth into my mind from afar. It was comforting and tempting at the same time. I could probably go back to him just the same and he would welcome me. But that wasn’t good enough now. That would be dishonoring Rue’s gifts to me. I was just beginning to understand the opportunity Noth gave me.
The second month after I left, the bond went silent. I ached, but I was too terrified to reach out first. Did his silence mean he had given up on me? On us?It was better, I tried to convince myself. I would face him… tomorrow. There was still more to do. Because after a month of deliberate support and purposeful action, I felt strong enough to start being the sister Evie deserved.
I found her on her ass in a bunch of straw, tending to her horse Greg in the most unqueenly manner possible. She picked his hooves with more spirit than finesse and half of it was ending up all over her.
“Need any help?”
Evie swung around and smiled at me. “Of course.”
If nothing else, at least Greg would be the best-groomed horse in all the Harrowlands. The delicate Pasifino was already in great shape, but I grabbed a curry comb to give my hands something to do and to add a shine to his cherry roancoat.
I swallowed hard as we worked. I was an adult and I could force the words out for the first time ever. Noth and Rue had shown me I could be more than angry. A clever, courageous woman was more than capable of saying these fucking words to her sister.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
Evie’s head snapped up and her hands stilled. Greg swung around, nickering at her softly.
“Sorry,” she said to him. She rested his hoof across her thigh again.
“Abner,” I clarified. “Fish face. It wasn’t your fault he left you or slept with me.” Her silence was unnerving so I plowed ahead anyway. “Abner tricked me in the worst way with a glamor. And I was ashamed to admit it, because I shouldn't have been fucking someone the day you needed my support. When he spread it all over town, I was hoping my fuck-up would shift the village gossip over to me rather than to you.”
