He leaned on the table, charming as ever. A smirk on his face. “Would you wear that?”
“Don’t deflect,” I said quietly.
He sat up straight. “You’re angry?”
“I'm not angry.” And I wasn’t. “I’m frustrated. Because we can be better than this.”
“This is as good as it gets, Pumpkin. I’m King. I can give you anything. Everything.”
“I want to be at your side,” I said.
He paused and the muscles of his jaw worked. “That can’t happen right now. You would lose your head before you wore one and I can’t hand my crown to someone else. What can I be for you if I'm not a King?”
“That’s not what I’m asking,” I said, working the tablecloth into a knot.
He leaned forward. “What are you asking then?”
“I don’t want to be hidden in your shadows. Or my own.”
What Yaya said about finding what I wanted was just the start. My life had been a string of decisions I needed to clean up beyond me and Noth. The realization dawned that I had some groveling to do. Evie was owed an apology and I couldn’t even contemplate what I should be until I finishedthat.
A desperate edge entered his voice. “You hate my Nightmare Walker? I will do a better job of controlling him.”
“No, this isn’t about us. I thought it was. I want us, Noth. I do. But I need to go back to Ward’s keep.”
“Are you… breaking up with me?” The outrage on his face would be almost comical if I didn’t feel his confusion and heartbreak through the bond. Noth’s ego didn't make this easy. No. That didn’t give him enough credit. The love between us didn’t make this easy.
“You can't get rid of me that easily. You're lodged in here like a Devil’s Bell thorn.” I touched my chest.
“You're my mate!” His Nightmare crawled into his voice.
“Exactly. I want the best for us, not half a life for either of us. That won’t change with my location. I don’t know how it happened but you’ve upended my life, Noth. You’re a merciless, arrogant ass who has helped me in too many ways to count. I need to deserve you.”
“I like you the way you are. You’re the prettiest witch in existence." He meant it inside and out.
“But I don't like myself. And until I fix that, I will only be half a mate to you.”
He rose from his seat, his shadows at his command. “I will tie you to that chair if I have to.”
“You can, but we would both be dead of a broken heart in a few months.”
He collapsed into my lap and I instinctively ran myhands through his long hair, letting it wash over both of us. “I don't want to let you go.”
My whole body quivered but my resolve did not. I sat him up and traced a sigil on his chest, releasing him from the infertility spell I had slapped him with. “I'll be right here.”
I was the only thing standing between us and eternity.
Kissing him with all the love I had to give, I left.
Chapter 21
Maggie
For the first few hours, I thought he followed right behind me, ready to step out of the shadows, wrestle me into his arms and whisk me back to his plant-filled bower to beg my forgiveness. Determined, for all of an hour, I struggled to act like I was just returning the mount to Evie. But as the salamander kept plodding along, my heart slowly fractured and doubt came pouring in.
There wasn’t really anyone to see me a broken mess so I gushed and sobbed like my life was falling apart by my own hand… again. I cried for the entire ride back to Harrowood and Evie’s Keep. Getting it together for my walk inside proved an effort, but a wasted one because as soon as I saw my sister, fresh tears welled up and spilled over my cheeks like I hadn’t dried myself out just a few minutes before. The cozy sitting room filled with my ugly hiccups.
Amazing human that she was, my sister climbed off her mate’s lap and ran into my arms. I sank into the softness that I had stripped out of myself and collapsed into Evie.
