“I’ll tell him,” Marshall said simply.
I scratched my upper lip and frowned. “That’s not why I texted you.”
A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth, and I almost hated how smug it made him look. He didn’t prompt me to continue, but the amusement in his face said it without him even needing to use the words.
“I’m just feeling very lost,” I finally told him, and all the earlier tease from his upturned mouth disappeared. Marshall leaned forward, setting his coffee on the table and bracing his elbows against his thighs.
“The same as before?” he asked.
I swallowed hard. Nodded.
I’d already confided my confusions to Marshall my wavering commitment to dominance and how that would impact me as a person. I knew it sounded silly, but for a very long time I had clung to that identify like a security blanket, and losing it and Silas at the same time sometimes felt impossible to recover from.
“I don’t think I want to know what you and my brother do in the bedroom, but is he giving you space to explore that?”
“Yeah. Yes.” My cheeks burned with embarrassment. “I think where I’m at now is…”
He waited, not pressing me at all.
“I love him,” I admitted, a truth my best friend wasn’t even privy to yet. I threw a sideways glance up at Marshall, who didn’t look surprised in the least. In fact, he looked relieved. “When I’m with him everything is great, but when I’m not…”
“It feels more out of your control if you’re not there to oversee it constantly.”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Exactly.”
“Oversight isn’t love, Lincoln.” He pushed my coffee toward me, and I obediently took a drink. “It’s control. You don’t want to control Hunter, do you?”
“No. I mean…well…no.”
I very much wanted to control Hunter in all the ways I also wanted him to control me, but I was aware that wasn’t what Marshall meant with the ask.
“I know this is rich coming from me, considering I moved Silas in as soon as the opportunity presented itself, but that kindof thing will only strangle the fire out of a relationship. It won’t foster growth.”
I made a dismissive sound in the back of my throat. “I know that, and that’s not what I want. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do with myself during the times we are apart. Until those voices quiet down.”
“What do the voices say?” he asked.
“That he’s too good for me.”
Marshall raised a brow and cocked his head to the side. “Maybe the other way around too.”
“I love that you think that, but your brother has his shit together. He just made partner and?—”
Marshall sat up straight, eyes wide. “He what?”
I cursed under my breath. “I think he’s going to tell everyone on Friday. Please don’t ruin it.”
He settled back into his seat, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I’m happy for him. He deserves that, and I won’t ruin it for either of you.”
Scratching the back of my head, I sighed, trying to remember my train of thought so I could get back into it. “So, he’s got his shit together, and I really do not.”
“How so?” Marshall pressed. “You have an apartment, a job, a pet.”
I smiled at the thought of Feeny swirling his way around his bowl on my dresser.
“I’m a sex worker.”
“Does Hunter care?”
