“You almost always have people over,” I said, thinking back to less than an hour before when he’d walked another man out after their adult sleepover.
“That’s not dating.” Grayson flicked the top slice of toast onto the table and picked up one of the over crisp bacon strips, biting into it all by itself.
“Oh. Just sex?” I asked.
He nodded, folding the rest of the bacon into his mouth. “Miles and I used to date. Did I ever tell you that?”
“Henny told me. Wasn’t that weird, to stay friends after?”
“We dated years ago. There’s plenty of reasons we didn’t work out and we’re much better as friends, so it’s fine. It’s better than fine. Better.” He reached for another slice of bacon. “And we were on the same page for a long time.”
“And then he met Henny.”
I realized what was happening.
Grayson had lost his best friend to love, and then he’d found me and…
“Grayson.”
“I’m happy that you’re happy.” He took a huge drink, cheeks hollowing as he swallowed. “I’m happy Miles is happy.”
“But you’re not happy.”
“Did you know that emotions aren’t, like, some big thing?” Grayson bit the tip of his tongue between his front teeth until he grimaced. “If you separate the way an emotion makes you feel and focus on the physicality of it, you can generally get over it in under two minutes?”
“Get over it?” I repeated, not sure what he meant or why someone would want to rush through things like that.
He tapped his palm against his sternum, lashes fluttering until his eyes closed. I watched him take a deep breath and steady himself, then another breath, and another. When he opened his eyes, they were bright, but not entirely clear.
“See?” Grayson grinned, smashing the stray slice of toast back on top of what was left of his sandwich. “All felt and all better.”
“Are you sure?” I tilted my head to the side, trying to catch any sign of a lie in his face, but he’d really managed to feel his feeling and move on from it with relative ease. I also noticed that even though he clearly had some trick to manage himself, he hadn’t used it in the first place, and I wasn’t sure why not.
I’d received the message, though, and found myself determined to do better. I could have a relationship with Colinandbe a better friend to Grayson. He was giving and kind, and he didn’t deserve to feel left behind because of someone else’s happiness. I would have hated being in his shoes, seeing my best friend get swept up the way it sounded like Miles had when he met my brother, and then I was doing the same.
“Positive, Wes.” He sounded more like himself, and if I hadn’t sat through the last conversation, I would have never known something was wrong. “Now that you know about poppers, I have to ask, are you familiar with edging?”
CHAPTERTWENTY
Colin
I spentSunday morning in bed.
Fretting.
What an old man thing to do.
I was almost forty years old and I was scared of my parents.
Not even the smell of Wesley’s sweat on my pillows was enough to distract me from fretting, and I hated that he’d said he had to stay at home for the rest of the weekend because, as he said, Grayson needed some friend time. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but it sounded important to him and I didn’t want to get in the way of that. Itwasimportant for Wesley to make friends, one thing I’d struggled with.
Maybe it was my fault I’d let things with Henry drift as far as they had, but to quote my mom—the woman I was currently fretting over—the phone worked both ways. Henry could have called to check in on me, texted to see how things were. It wasn’t up to me to be the one driving conversation and making plans.
Just to make sure I was doing my part, I texted him a quick greeting, letting him know I was thinking of him and just wanted to check in, then shoved him out of my mind because I knew it would take hours, if not days, for him to reply.
Even if he did, the conversation would be superficial and shallow. I wouldn’t be able to get counsel from him on the thing I needed the most, which as of late, was coming out to my parents. I knew I could talk to Hendrix about it, but being in a secret relationship with his younger brother made things feel so touchy. Much like Grayson, I didn’t want to lie to Hendrix either, but I wouldn’t out my relationship with Wesley without his consent.
Hendrix didn’t even know Wesley was attracted to men.
