The nerves pricked my skin and wrapped their way around my joints like a thousand vise grips tightening and constricting so they could keep control over me.
When I got to their apartment, Grayson had been the one to open the door. There must have been two dozen or more people milling around the living room, laughing, grouped off in tiny little conversational pockets. I didn’t see Wesley.
Grayson knew who I was looking for, and he stepped aside to let me in and said, “He’s in his room.”
“Is he okay?” I asked.
“What do you think?”
I knew.
“Hendrix is here,” he said quietly, pushing the front door closed. “So is Miles, and I’ll tell you what I told Wesley earlier.”
Grayson pretended like he was showing me the apartment, the dining room, the kitchen, then he walked me to the short hallway that led to Wesley’s room.
“Miles is the observant one.” He clapped me on the back. Hard. “Be mindful.”
With that, he made his way back toward the guests and I slinked into the hallway to avoid being seen prematurely. Even though I was only feet away from the noise, it was quieter in the hallway, but not calmer. I could sense Wesley’s frustration and distress leaking out of his half-cracked bedroom door. Or maybe that was my own; I wasn’t sure anymore. I felt more myself when I was with him, and that was new. The feelings were new. It was all…new.
I pushed the door open, just enough to see inside.
“You’re here,” Wesley whispered, eyes going wide.
“I’m here.”
“Did you want to come in?”
“In your room?” I looked behind me, just to be certain no one had followed after me, that no one had seen.
Wesley made a pained noise, that might have been a laugh, but I couldn’t tell. Whatever it was turned into a quiet kind of choking and he started to say, “That was…I’ve been manning the door all night, inviting everyone inside so I can avoid talking to my brother. I didn’t mean…”
I couldn’t handle it. The stress was too much and it was unwarranted. We both knew what had moved between us on Wednesday night, in almost the same spots where we were now standing. Both of us in misery from our own fear and expectations. I wasn’t sure if he would make a move or if it needed to be me. I wasn’t even sure if it was going to be a move in the traditional sense because that wasn’t something I’d ever done before.
At least not with a man.
And I knew he hadn’t either.
Both of us were in uncharted waters.
“You look stressed, Wesley,” I said, “Are you okay?”
“I am now.” He paused. Swallowed. “Now that you’re here.”
I took another step toward him, giving the door a hard shove behind me so it would close and latch. I debated locking it, but that would be much harder to explain if we were found out. He and I weren’t anything to each other, but we both knew we had something to hide.
“You’re late,” he said softly, twisting his hands in front of him, avoiding my stare. He was nervous, I realized. And so was I.
“I didn’t think I was going to come.”
“What changed your mind?” He looked up.
There were a few different answers to that question. I was tired of being scared. Tired of putting other people above myself. I was lonely. I was…
“You,” I answered, the single word as much of a summation as I could manage. It was the truth of it because, at the heart of everything, Wesley was the reason I’d gotten up and changed and driven across town. He was why I’d sat in the car and argued with myself, and he was the reason I didn’t rebuff Grayson’s assumptions about my intentions.
He could see through me anyway.
“Me?” Wesley tilted his head to the side, lips pulled into a tight and disbelieving smile.
