“You just…” He gestured at my face. “I get it.”
“I didn’t answer you.”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “You very much answered me. It’s written clear as day all over your face.”
After another drink of wine, I asked, “And what did my face tell you?”
Maybe if Grayson could quantify it, I’d have a chance at getting Hendrix back.
“That he tests you. He makes you work for it. But that it’s worth it. He’s worth it.”
“I told you that,” I muttered. “The day you harassed me about being proactive about my sexual health, remember?”
“I was jealous.” He rolled his eyes. “But I’m protective of you, and you weren’t thinking about yourself with that. Just him.”
“In that moment, I didn’t matter. There was just…it was him, and I wanted him. Iwanthim. He…I don’t know. He makes me want to be better. He makes me want to be more.” I cleared my throat. “You know, at first, he told me no.”
Grayson scoffed.
“He told me no when I tried to pursue him and then he offered me a conciliatory fuck to make up for it.”
“He what?” That earned a laugh, and the unease that had marked Grayson’s face started to slip away.
“He said he wouldn’t date younger men, but he’d let me fuck him.” It was impossible to not smile at the memory, and I turned my stare down toward the table, toward my fingers, my palms. My hands that had so recently been on Hendrix’s body. Been around him and inside of him.
“So you fucked?”
“I would have, but…I knew that wasn’t going to be enough. Grayson, the way he says my name, it…”
I trailed off, licking the taste of wine from my lips.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it does,” he said.
“I don’t have a good answer to any of your questions,” I said. “I just know how I feel. I know how he makes me feel. And you’d just have to meet him and spend time with him to understand.”
“See the two of you together, you mean.”
I nodded.
“I did, earlier.”
I scoffed. “That wasn’t our best encounter.”
“He loves you back,” Grayson assured me. Something in the understanding of his tone flipped a switch in my brain, reminding me that Hendrix had been in my house with Grayson before I’d gotten back. Graysonhadmet him. Theyhadtalked.
“What did he say to you?” I leaned closer, pulling his wine out of the way so he couldn’t go for it. “Before I got home. What did the two of you talk about?”
“He showed up here looking for you.”
“Obviously.”
“He looked concerned, but I could tell he was trying to rein it in.” Grayson inhaled. “He asked for you, and I was…not polite.”
“Because of your assumptions about his brother,” I reminded him.
Grayson’s cheeks pinked. “Because of his brother. But I did apologize to him for jumping to conclusions about that.”
