“But not like this?” he asked.
“It’s fine.” Thomas tried to shrug it off. “I’m old anyway. I don’t even know how to go about making friends anymore. And honestly, after the talk I had with Jennifer yesterday, I think it might be safe to reach out to some of the guys again.”
“You don’t look like you want to,” Lara hedged.
Thomas chuckled, leaning back on the blanket and dropping his head back to stare up at the sky. “I don’t.”
“Why?” he asked.
“They’ve shown their true colors. They didn’t care to ask what happened between us. They went with whatever their wives told them, which I can’t be mad about. I spent years taking Jennifer’s word about things.” Thomas closed his eyes and inhaled, his shirt stretching across his chest as his lungs filled. “I’m sure she told her friends horrible things about me, and her friends told their husbands, and here we are.”
“Gossip is insidious,” Lara agreed.
“I don’t see it as a loss.” Thomas reached over and patted Ben’s hand, reassuring him when Ben felt like he was the one who should have been consoling Thomas. He couldn’t imagine the loss Thomas had faced, was still facing. To lose your home, your friends, your family, your whole life. He hadn’t been able to comprehend the leap Thomas had taken to walk away from so much in order to embrace the truth of himself, and he admired that in ways he didn’t have words for. He looked at the chance Thomas was taking on him and the massive commitments Thomas had made, and he felt undeserving beyond measure.
“And now you have Ben,” she said.
Thomas looked down, eyes lighter than Ben had expected considering the weight of what they’d been discussing. “And now I have Ben.”
CHAPTER22
THOMAS
Gettinghome after Lara’s picnic was a welcome blessing. He liked her enough, but all he’d been able to think about, even through the dark thoughts of the life he’d left behind, was Ben.
“Are you okay?” Ben asked, closing the door behind him.
“Of course. Your friend is nice.”
“She can pry.”
“She didn’t.” He reached out and slid his hands around Ben’s waist, pulling him closer. Their chests bumped, and Ben studied him quietly.
“She didn’t,” he said again, kissing the corner of Ben’s mouth. “I didn’t tell her anything that made me uncomfortable.”
“How did it feel to be out around her?”
“Out?” He slid his hands down Ben’s back to his ass, cupping the small mounds of flesh and digging in his fingers.
“Like, with me. With a man.”
“Is it the wrong answer to say I didn’t even think about it?” Thomas tilted his head to the side. “I was just enjoying a picnic with my bo…with you and your best friend.”
Ben’s mouth twitched. “Were you going to call me your boyfriend?”
“Is that what we are?” They’d never talked about titles, but the assumption had always been there for him.
“You tell me.” Ben licked his lips, the tip of his tongue peeking out just below his Cupid’s bow.
“I like the sound of it.”
“Then yes,” Ben agreed.
“And, no, it didn’t bother me. It was normal. Wasn’t it?”
“I’m trying to be mindful that this is all new to you,” Ben said, looping his arms around Thomas’s neck. He brought their foreheads together so close that Thomas could still smell the wine and cheese on Ben’s breath.
“If something makes me uncomfortable, I’ll tell you,” he promised. “But being with you, privately and publicly, does not.”
