“Are you going to Devon’s this weekend?”
“Maybe.”
“Alright.” Adam tapped his phone to illuminate the screen. “Thanks, Grant.”
“Talk soon.”
The call disconnected and Adam stared as it went black. He’d gone from uncertainty to clarity and back into a murky middle ground all in the course of one conversation. He’d started unsure about Cooper’s words, and then decided yes, he did want to get married, but Grant’s parting barb settled heavy in his chest. Marriage felt like such a formal thing when there were other parts of their relationship that were far more important.
Their submission, their dominance. Their ownership of each other and their commitment to developing the facets of that dynamic stood separate from a piece of paper and an overpriced ceremony. They didn’t need those things to prove they loved each other or wanted to be together. And even though they had feelings and history, their relationship was still new.
Really new.
Adam frowned, checking the clock. It was close enough to lunch that he could dip out, so he collected his things and headed to the bookstore. He knew Cooper would be there because Cooper was always there, and when Adam stepped into the store, he flipped the deadbolt on the door and the open/closed sign.
“Hello to you, too,” Cooper greeted, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Did we have plans?”
“Did you propose to me?” Adam asked, stalking toward the cash wrap.
Cooper sat on a stool behind the counter, an olive green v-neck shirt barely concealing the tuft of auburn chest hair that bloomed up toward his throat.
“Did I what?”
“Last night.” Adam pressed his hands against the counter and leaned over into Cooper’s space. “When you said those things. When we talked…was that a proposal?”
“I love the way you’re talking about what’s going on in your head instead of pretending you don’t have feelings at all,” Cooper said with a wry smile. “But no, I didn’t propose to you.”
Adam straightened, expression falling.
It wasn’t until that exact moment that he realized, without doubt, he did want to marry Cooper after all. The paper did count. The intent behind the ceremony meant something to him. Adam felt like he’d been on one of those carnival slingshot rides for twelve hours, bouncing around from one extreme to another, his confusion wrapped around him like a straitjacket. But the way his heart plummeted at Cooper’s denial spoke volumes.
Cooper noticed the change in his demeanor and stood up, coming around the counter to take Adam’s hand. He raised it to his mouth and kissed Adam’s knuckles, mouth twisted in a half-smile.
“Did you want me to propose to you?” Cooper asked.
“I wasn’t sure, but now…” He nodded.
“That…” Cooper licked his lips and let out a loud breath. “Can we talk about this later?”
“Do you not want to marry me?”
“It’s not you,” Cooper said, and Adam matched that with a derisive snort. “It’s not.”
“What then?”
“I don’t want to marryanyone, Adam.” Cooper shrugged and looked down at their feet. “Marriage has never been my goal in life.”
“Isn’t it important?” he asked.
“To you.”
“Clearly.” Adam shook his fingers out of Cooper’s hand. Cooper sighed, brows pulled together and lips downturned.
“I love you and I want to be with you,” Cooper said. “Can’t that be enough?”
“Be with me for how long?”
“As long as you’re alive. As long as I’m alive. I meant everything I said last night.” Cooper folded his arms in front of his chest and glanced toward the windows in the front of the store. “Can we go talk about this in the back? I don’t want anyone to walk by and see us fighting.”
