“You’re a masochist,” he said.
“Yes.”
“You’re submissive.”
“No,” I scoffed.
“I wasn’t asking.”
I frowned and scratched a spot behind my ear that throbbed in time with the beat of my heart. I’d never thought of myself as a submissive before, but then again, I’d never thought about much beyond the ways I enjoyed pain. I didn’t want to linger or dwell on any of it, lest I start overthinking and then talking my way out of things that I didreallywant. Colton did enough of that on my behalf. He’d done it less since he’d moved to Colorado, but still. I loved my best friend, but he made me thankful for people like Rich, and Sam, and Foster, who understood my life.
Ronan sat in silence, giving me time to process the conclusion he’d come to about me, which admittedly was a struggle. But the longer he left me in that contemplative silence, the more I started to see the signs that maybe he was right. Sure, I liked to look after Ronan, cook for him and clean up after him, but that didn’t mean I was submissive, it meant I was a caring partner.
He rarelytoldme to do those things. I did them on my own. I did them because it made me feel good, because I loved him, because I wanted to serve…
Shit.
“You’re submissive,” he said again.
“Maybe.”
“Maybe,” he repeated, the top corner of his lip giving a twitch. He inhaled a deep breath and caught my stare. “I think that I need to…rather, we need to approach things differently, so you’re getting as much care and attention as you need.”
“I don’t needcare.”
The twitching lip stopped, turning into a scowl. “I like to have these discussions with you on a level playing field, but if you don’t stop and listen, I’ll gag you, Kevin. I swear to God.”
He stood up and stretched, walking past me and down the hallway. I stayed on the table and listened to him rifle around in the bedroom. He returned and threw a ball gag onto my lap and sat back down, something clenched in his left fist.
“Put it on if you think you can’t stop yourself from interrupting me,” he said.
I curled my hand around the large red ball and waited for him to keep talking.
“24/7,” he said. “That way you’re always beholden to me.”
I clenched my jaw.
“You listen and do as you’re told,” he said. “All the time.”
“I already do what I’m told.” I grumbled, shoving the gag into my mouth and glaring at him as I buckled the strap in place at the back of my head.
“Good boy.” He flashed a quick smile, then turned serious. “And I know you do, which is why I didn’t think this would come as such a shock to you. You always do what you’re told; you do what I want you to do half the time without even being told to do it. You’re just as complacent as I am, Kevin. This…upgrade, if you will, gives me the authority I need to make some changes in our dynamic.”
I didn’t think I wanted him to make changes to our dynamic. I just wanted him to smack me around a little more than he had been. I wanted to be on edge, unsure. I wanted to not know what was coming next. I wanted…
Shit.
A line of drool slicked out the corner of my mouth and down my chin.
“You’ll always have an out,” Ronan said. “But I want to push you, to push us both, further than we’ve gone before. I trust you enough to tell me to stop if something is too much. I’ve always trusted you to do that. Will you still?”
I nodded, muttering an affirmative sound around the gag.
“You were so gorgeous when you let me pierce your nipples. When you let me surprise you with that.”
I shivered at the memory. The way he’d been so clinical with me, so technical as he’d clamped my nipple and pushed a hollow needle through the tender nub of flesh. At the thought, my nipples hardened, still unaccustomed to the metal intrusion, and I moaned. It was agony and perfection all in the same breath.
“This means there is no list now,” he continued. “I’ve thought about that, too. There’s still some things that won’t really be on the table, but I think it’s okay to pretend they are. I think it’s important that we don’t have restrictions, and I don’t think you really want them, do you?”
