He was desperate and hopeful for Callahan to change his course, to see the misery and the despondency on his best friend’s face. Jace needed Callahan to see more than the expectations of this one moment in time. He understood, as best he could, the weight of the expectations Callahan lived with because he’d felt them too for a handful of years, only different.
After Jill had exploded with tears and relief when he’d come back from hours wandering the city, he’d known what a burden it was to be cared for. He’d understood the weight of the need to please people around you, and he also knew it was amplified times a thousand for men like Callahan and Sebastian.
He found himself mentally crossing his fingers, hoping that the time they’d shared together earlier in the day had been enough to counterbalance the push and pull of Callahan’s life, but he wasn’t sure it would be. And he didn’t know how to go forward if it wasn’t.
“I’ll go look for her,” Sebastian said before Callahan could answer. His shoulders sagged and he looked down at the ground.
“Good,” Rhys said. “Be quick about it because the event is nearly starting.”
Rhys walked off, leaving the three of them together under the overhang of a tree that looked to be hundreds of years old. The aesthetics of it amused Jace. The contrast between the stark modernity of the buildings and the lush nature of the tree itself. He imagined it would be a nice photo, even with the three of them there beneath the leaves in their pressed suits and ties.
“What are you thinking?” Callahan asked Sebastian, his voice barely softer than before.
“I don’t want any of this anymore.” Sebastian shrugged. “I’m tired of it.”
“You’re tired of your life?”
“This doesn’t need to be my life. I can do whatever I want with my life.” Sebastian plucked at the end of his bow tie and pulled the knot undone, then worked open the top button of his shirt. He rubbed at his throat like he could finally breathe.
“This is all just a show,” Jace muttered, and both men turned to look at him.
“I know,” Sebastian agreed.
“It is not,” Callahan objected.
They both looked at Callahan, nearly comparable expressions on their faces, except Jace knew his was heavier.
“It’s not?” Jace asked.
“This is my life,” he said. “Our life.”
“What if it was just pretend?” Jace rasped, repeating Callahan’s ask from earlier.
Callahan grimaced and shook his head. “But it’s not.”
“Right.” Jace let out a trembling breath.
This wasn’t pretend, it wasn’t a lie, and it wasn’t a life Jace wanted. He would have his moments, and his memories, and that would have to be enough. Callahan was not the man Jace thought he was, and worse, Jace didn’t even think Callahan knew what kind of man he was or wanted to be.
“Are you going to find Daniella?” Callahan asked. “We need to get over there.”
“Yeah. Right.”
“I’ll go with you,” Jace offered, drawing surprised expressions from both men.
“You should stay with Callahan,” Sebastian said, though weakly. “That’s proper.”
“I don’t care much about what anyone here thinks is proper,” Jace said, his eyes studying the deepening lines on Callahan’s face.
“No.” Callahan sighed. “You don’t, and that’s fine, but he needs to.”
“You’re being a prick, you know that?” Sebastian straightened his shoulders and leveled a sharp glare at his best friend.
“I’m just doing what I need to do.”
“So am I,” Jace said, giving one last look at Callahan before jerking his head in the direction Daniella had ran. “Come on, Sebastian. Let’s go.”
Chapter Nineteen
