Coming home had been a rash decision. He’d thought about going to Greece, but changed his mind. After all, he had no reason to assume that Leonidas would be there anyway, and even if he were, Andy wouldn’t know how to find him and he wouldn’t know what to say if he did. So he’d packed his bags and come home.
So much for wanting to travel the world alone.
But as he listened through the cracked door to his brothers’ lives going on without him, and he wondered if he’d been right. If his brothers had always been his home, or if he’d alienated them with his departure the year before. There was only one way to find out, though, and no matter how much his chest hurt because of absolutely everything, he couldn’t just stay in the lobby forever.
Andy stepped through the door that separated the lobby from the restaurant and listened to the sounds of laughter and happiness, and they didn’t even notice he was there.
“That sounds perfect.” James laughed from his place at a large table crammed with men, and he raised his glass.
“Perfect,” Charlie echoed, lifting his.
“What’s perfect?” Andy managed to ask, dropping his bag at his feet.
“Holy shit.” Eddie’s head snapped up and everyone else’s followed, their eyes focused on Andy, who felt like an interloper.
Charlie, his oldest brother stood up. “Andy. When did you get back?”
* * *
His brothers had been happy to see him, but Andy hadn’t been able to shake the feeling of being out of place. Charlie assumed Andy felt different because of how long he’d been gone and all of the things he’d done and seen, and he supposed that might be true in part, but at the end of the day, Andy felt changed. He didn’t know if it had been the things Charlie suspected, or if something had shifted inside of him the first time he took Leonidas on his knees, but suddenly home felt too big and too small all at once.
He slept like shit every night, then spent his days letting Cameron run him around town and introduce him to everyone they’d met in the past year. There was Theo, who worked at the hotel and spent way too long looking at Brad, and Eddie who had apparently shown up out of the blue in the Spring, and Levi, who was tall and slim and sour and perfect for James.
His brothers lives had indeed continued for the past year, and Andy couldn’t help but feel like his had stalled and reset on his way back across the Atlantic. He struggled every day to find his footing in the place he’d always thought would be home, unsure of what any of those words even meant now.
Andy was tired of waking up hard and lonely, so one day, when the weight of his longing felt too much, he locked himself in his room, pulling the curtains tight. He stripped naked, stepped into a steaming hot shower, and closed his eyes. He thought of Leonidas, letting memories filter into his head until he ached with the misery of his want, then he took his cock into his fist and jacked himself off until he came down the drain with a shout. He could still see Leonidas in his mind, mussed from sleep and foreplay, so Andy jacked off again. The second orgasm took longer and hurt more, but it wasn’t enough.
The want was still there, buried deep in his chest.
Andy jacked off until the only warmth left in the shower were the tears that slicked down his face. His cock hurt from the friction and his balls were nearly empty, and by the time he wrung the fourth orgasm out of his body, he was done. The visions of Leonidas on the backs of his eyelids had faded to a faceless blur, whether by will or by force, and Andy turned the water off, bracing himself against the edge of the shower.
His chest heaved and he stayed there until he had no tears left. He stepped onto the bathmat, dried himself off and got dressed. He fisted the beanie in his hand, his beanie now, and he slipped it over his head. It didn’t hurt him to do it, so he kept it on, then managed to find his way to the front of the hotel. He wanted to stop in the restaurant to get something to eat, but he stumbled into Cameron instead, acting every bit the petulant teenager he was.
His brothers grated on his nerves. They’d all said he didn’t come home the same as he’d left and that was the truth. Even more so now. He’d said goodbye to the sad and lovesick version of himself when he emptied his balls into the shower drain, and he allowed himself to step into the version of himself that he was meant to be.
Andy was alone, and that was fine.
He was strong, and he was sure, and he was in charge.
He’d learned a lot about himself while he was in France, and even if he looked into the deepest parts of himself and felt lost, he knew who he was now and what he wanted in life.
The following Thursday, he wandered into town to find a doctor and get himself tested, partially because he didn’t have anything to do, and partially because he was trying to be a responsible adult considering all the play he’d engaged in over the past year. He hadn’t ever been careless, but he could have been more proactive, and if he ever wanted to seek out another partner, he needed to get this done.
Charlie had pointed him toward Parker, the only doctor in town, but he’d sent Andy with a warning and a bagel he’d stolen from the morning buffet.
“He’ll be nicer if you feed him,” Charlie had said.
So, Andy found himself in the waiting room of a small doctor’s office, a clipboard full of forms on his lap and a muted talk show on a TV that hung in the corner. The door to the back opened and a tall, slim man filled the space. He was blond, his features angular, and no matter how Andy looked at it, the man was attractive. He had on a blue button up beneath a white doctor’s coat and he raised his arm, a prosthetic, Andy noticed, and pointed.
“How many of you Motels are there?”
Andy stood up. “You know my brothers?”
“Everyone knows your brothers.”
“Isn’t that some kind of HIPAA violation?” Andy crumpled the bag in his hand.
“I didn’t tell you about their health history.” The man rolled his eyes. “I’m Parker Alling, come on back.”
