“He told me what to do. Before it all went down.”
“And?”
“It’s like a big do-over from the first time,” I sigh.
“That seems easy enough.”
“The instincts are different. When you…” I try to find the words. “When I turned you before, your instincts were still human. You fed from me until you felt strong, then quit. As a vampire…you’re more likely to…take it too far.”
“More likely to kill you,” he whispers.
“Exactly.” I drop our foreheads together and replay the conversation I had with Walter in my head. A familiar fury bubbles inside of me and my contempt shifts back toward arousal.
I take Declan’s hand and slide it between my legs so he can feel my hardness. His fingers wrap around my erection and I exhale a shaking breath. “I hate him. I hate this.”
“This feels like the opposite of hate.”
“I want to hurt him myself.”
“You can hurt me.” Declan strokes my cock and nuzzles his face into the arch of my neck. “The way you did before.”
“It’ll be too much,” I tell him. “For me. I need to know what you’re thinking. How you’re feeling.”
“I’ll tell you.” He drags his slick fangs up my throat.
“Declan.”
He flicks his wrist and turns his motions overhand, cupping the head of my cock in his palm. “Come on. What can you possibly to do me that I can’t handle?”
The insinuation is clear, and I swat his hand away, my erection already waning. He groans and sits up, flinging his legs over the side of the bed.
“I don’t want to live like this, Ezra. I’m more than my trauma.” He looks over his shoulder at me. “Don’t treat me like I’m not.”
“All I see is the ways I’ve let you down when I think about what happened.”
He rolls his eyes. “You know my thoughts on that.”
“The answer is no.”
“Jesus fuck, Ezra.” Declan flies off the bed and throws his hands up in the air. “You’re hard for a stranger and you won’t even fuck me with someone else’s erection? Do I need to fucking goad you into it like he must have?”
“You don’t know what you’re asking of me.”
He shakes his head and storms out of the room. It’s nearly sunrise and the house is quiet again. I chase after Declan and find him sitting on the couch Elijah and Jedidiah had been snuggling on earlier. When I turn the corner into the room, Declan sees me and stands up.
“Where are you going?” I ask as he brushes past me.
“Away from you,” he snaps.
I catch up to him halfway back up the stairs and I grab his arm and spin him to face me. His eyes are dark and angry and he tries to shake me off. I dig in deeper, my nails gouging into his skin. He whines, but his pupils go wide and he stills under my hold. I relax, and he tears his arm away from me and mutters a curse under his breath.
Declan turns his back on me again and I reach for him another time. When he turns, he loses his footing and falls onto his back, taking me with him.
“Talk to me,” I plead, but he fights against me.
I take his wrists in my hand and pin them above his head. His arms are stretched, the muscles tight and sinewy.
“Declan.”
