“Take it out,” I whisper. “Let me watch.”
I know he’ll do it, because he likes to have an audience, and he undoes the fly of his pants and fists the base of his shaft. His cock is hard and the tip is shiny with his arousal. He squeezes until he whimpers, then works his hand toward the top of his length and back down.
“It’s a bit of that,” I say, my eyes trained on the way he jerks himself off. “But I also like the embarrassment of it. The humiliation. And that’s where I get confused. Because I get hard over the things you said, but then when Raf does things like earlier, I get hard from how degrading it is. And I wonder if something’s wrong with me.”
“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Raf says from the door, and my eyes snap toward him. I didn’t hear him come in, neither of us did, but Micah doesn’t stop rubbing his cock. If anything he refocuses his attention, now with two people to watch him.
“Nope,” Micah agrees.
Raf closes the door behind him and leans against it, folding his arms over his chest. “I could give you a simple answer, if you want.”
“Yes.”
“Those things get you off because I tell you they do.” Raf shrugs and comes toward us. “But it’s much more complicated than that.”
He points at the ground and then crooks his finger at me, and I know what he wants. I slink off the couch and crawl toward him, stopping at his feet. He lifts one of his boots off the floor and I kiss it, licking the leather with the flat of my tongue.
Behind me, Micah groans.
I lick Raf’s boot again, pressing my lips against it like I’m making out with it.
“You’re exploring your sexuality,” Raf says, pulling his boot out of my mouth. He raises his foot and places the bottom of his boot on the back of my head and pushes me toward the ground. The treads press against my scalp and I relax under him. “I’m giving you a space to try new things and see what gets you hard. The funny thing is, just about everything gets you hard.”
He twists his ankle and the sole of his boot grinds me into the ground. My hands are flat on the floor and I turn them so my palms are up. My fingers curl and I shudder.
“You like being used because he’s told you it’s okay to like that,” Micah whispers, his words trailing off and disappearing into the sound of his palm sliding against his cock.
“The same reason you like to be watched.” Raf’s foot is gone and his hand is in my hair. He pulls me onto my knees and arranges himself behind me. His cock presses into the small of my back as he fists my hair and bares my throat. “Watch him, Charles.”
I open my eyes and Micah is staring at me. His cock is huge and hard and he has his balls in one hand while he jerks himself off with the other.
“Are you allowed to come?” Raf asks over my shoulder. His breath is hot against my ear. My own cock is hard again, pointing into the center of the room. There’s probably still marks from the rope.
“No,” Micah rasps, tugging his balls away from his body.
“You really are a masochist, aren’t you?” Raf laughs and tickles his fingers over the skin of my shaft. “Do you like to watch, too, Micah?”
Raf wraps his hand around my cock and strokes me. My eyes are locked on Micah and I think I’m going to explode in Raf’s arms.
“I like to watch him.”
“Why’s that?” Raf twists his wrist and I purr, rolling my hips against his hand.
“Because it’s beautiful. The thing between you.” Micah’s voice is strained and tight. “He loves you with every inch of his flesh.”
“More than that,” Raf whispers in my ear and I’m there. On the edge, tumbling over, and I come. Without permission again, but I can’t not. Micah is watching and Raf’s hands are like fire, and it’s been the best night of my life.
Cum shoots out of my cock, painting the floor and Raf’s hand and I cry out, but he holds me steady, milking me until I’ve nothing left inside of me to give him except for my tears, which are already on their way.
I love the way he takes me apart. The way I feel so safe to explore these urges when I’m with him. The way I can exploremyselfwhen I’m with him.
“Jesus.” Micah’s voice is a jagged grunt and he’s grabbing the couch. His cock is jerking and twitching, his balls so tight against his body I can barely see them.
“I think you’ve earned an orgasm for watching after Chaz for me.” I soften against Raf at his use of my nickname as he speaks to Micah. “I hope Justin will give you one.”
“He will,” Micah groans, tucking his erection back into his pants. “Eventually.”
“We’ll see you again soon, I’m sure,” Raf says as he gets up to leave, and I don’t say anything because I can’t. All I can do is lie pliant against Raf and taste my tears as they slide into the corner of my mouth.
