And with that, Donny felt like his bones crumbled when the next breath he took seemed like it actually filled his lungs. He wrapped his arms around Roland, pressed his cheek against his skin, and squeezed him in a hug. Donny understood everything Roland told him had been true. He really was trying to get better, to stay healthy— to be deserving. Donny was the one who suddenly felt heavy with shortcomings and faults.
“What’s this for?” Roland laughed, sliding his hands down Donny’s arms. Donny wasn’t sure how to quantify the mix of feelings he had at the moment, so he settled for pressing his lips against Roland’s shoulder and kissing him.
“Dinner, then?” he asked, and Roland nodded.
“Come over tomorrow night,” he whispered into Donny’s hair. “Bring Pete. Let me cook for you. Stay.”
“Yes.”
Chapter 31
Create Something Beautiful With Me
Roland had everything ready.After the appointment with his therapist, he’d picked up some fresh canvases and the ingredients he needed to make dinner. He was by no means a chef, but he could cobble something together with the help of the internet. He vividly remembered the times Donny made sure he was fed and taken care of, and it was his chance to repay the favor. He also knew Donny hadn’t done those things with the expectation of any return beyond the time they shared, but he deserved the same level of care.
Roland opened the oven and pulled the foil off the dish of macaroni and cheese, then closed it again just as there was a knock at the front door. He knew it was Donny, and he felt a brief surge of adrenaline. He hadn’t seen him since Sunday morning after their shower, when he’d gotten dressed and kissed Donny goodbye before heading back home. Elliot was as happy as a cat could be upon his return, allowing Roland to scratch him between the ears for almost a minute before he disappeared into another room.
Roland opened the door for Donny, standing rather awkwardly in the hallway holding a cat carrier. Pete was inside, mewling like mad. Roland chuckled and let them both in.
“Hey.” Donny’s voice was soft, and timid— nothing like the Donny he was familiar with. Roland hated this new tension, but recognized it was his doing. He fought his mind as it tried to beat him down with feelings of worthlessness and doubt that lurked just below the surface, and he forced a smile.
“Elliot is… somewhere. I’m sure if you let Pete out, they’ll find each other.”
Donny chuckled as he opened the carrier. “They’ll either get along great or the whole night will be a disaster.”
Roland wasn’t sure if he was talking about them or the cats.
Pete jumped off the kitchen counter and disappeared toward the studio.
“Do you want something to drink?” Roland asked.
“What do you have?”
Roland exhaled a laugh, “The usual.”
“Water’s fine.”
“Good. You know where the glasses are. Stop acting like a stranger,” Roland told him, before amending, “please.”
Donny nodded and walked around to the cabinet by the sink and removed a glass which he filled from the tap.
“It smells really good.”
“It’s just macaroni and cheese.”
“Don’t start that again,” Donny chided.
Roland sat down on the couch and Donny walked around and sat beside him, not quite touching.
“Don’t start what?” He turned on the couch so their knees bumped.
“Disparaging what you have to offer.” Donny looked down and picked at an imaginary piece of cat hair on his knee.
Roland’s lip tipped up in a smile before he gave Donny a small nod. “You’re right. I’m sure it’s delicious.”
Donny chuckled, and Roland pushed off the couch and walked back into the kitchen. He served up two plates of macaroni and cheese and pulled some squash out of a pot he’d used to steam it on the back burner of the stove.
After a few bites, Donny spoke up, “So, therapy?”
