When Athena closed the door behind her, Donny pulled the blanket over his head and allowed himself to well and truly break down.
In the midst of the— what was it even, a fight? A breakup? Roland told Donny he loved him. And Donny had tried so fervently to cling to that. Any other night, the revelation would have lit his heart up like the fourth of July, but all it had done then was make it feel like his ribs had collapsed.
Donny thought it was possible he loved Roland too, and if the way he felt right now was any indication, he did. But if this was the end result of loving someone, what was the point? Was any measure of happiness worth it if you knew in the end you’d feel as though you’d been dismembered? Donny wasn’t sure.
He knew he was young— that his whole life was ahead of him—but what was the point of trying to find someone to have a relationship with if there was a fifty percent chance it would end like this? Donny didn’t want to feel this way ever again. He entertained the idea of a future made up solely of bathroom blowjobs and shower jerkoffs, and that left him feeling nearly as empty as the present situation.
He didn’t see a way forward from here.
One of the cats jumped onto Donny, and he pulled the blanket off his head to see which one it was. It was, of course, Pete, who meowed dramatically at Donny then looked at the door and meowed again, as if to saywhere is my other dad?Donny untangled a hand from the mess of blanket and stroked it over Pete’s head.
“I don’t know if we’re gonna see him again,” he told Pete with a shaking voice.
The reality of never seeing Roland again slammed into his chest like a sack of bricks. He gasped and the inhalation hurt him. It felt as though his lungs were on fire. Every breath strained and hurt.
Donny closed his eyes and saw Roland, covered in black paint and kicking his birthday painting across the room, so he opened his eyes, but then all he saw was his empty living room. There was no fucking escape. Eyes closed, all he saw was Roland. Eyes open, all he saw was the absence of Roland.
Donny groaned and unfolded himself from the couch and went to the kitchen. Athena had dropped the plate of bacon in the sink, and he grabbed a slice and bit into it. He could taste the fat and his mouth watered as he chewed, so he took another bite, then another and before he realized it, he’d eaten half the strips.
He picked up a glass from the dish strainer and filled it from the faucet. He drank the whole thing, then refilled and had another. The water only worked to clear his head slightly. He still felt muddled andwrong.
Donny wanted so badly to go to Roland, to answer a call or text, but even though his heart was broken, he knew he couldn’t be in a relationship where every bad day ended with a breakup. It wasn’t fair to him. He didn’t want to feel this way again.
As if on cue, his phone pinged with a text alert. It was sitting on the dining table and Donny glanced at it from the corner of his eye, then ate another piece of bacon. It pinged again, so he picked it up and unlocked the screen.
Five missed calls from Roland, and three texts— and that was just this morning. Yesterday, it had been eight calls and seven texts, not to mention the visit when Roland banged on his door for nearly twenty minutes.
Roland: I’m sorry, please come back.
Roland: I miss you.
Roland: Adonis, please.
Donny turned his phone off and dropped it back onto the table. He ate another piece of bacon, then went into the bathroom and drew himself a bath. He stripped down and submerged himself in the water that was probably only a few degrees below boiling and closed his eyes.
As expected, all he could see was Roland.
Chapter 27
A Jumbled Mess Of Pieces
Roland stepped asideand Gabriel walked inside the penthouse. Roland noticed him casually taking in his surroundings without trying to look entirely obvious about it, and Roland appreciated that.
“Would you like a drink?” Roland asked.
“What do you have?” Gabriel questioned in return, pulling out a chair at the dining room table and sitting down.
Roland opened the fridge and peered inside. “Water and orange juice.”
“No vodka?” Gabriel questioned with a raised eyebrow, and it made Roland wince. The only reason he didn’t have vodka was because he’d spent the past three days feeling sorry for himself and drinking it all. Gabriel shook his head and made a tutting sound with his tongue. “Don’t look so surprised. Donny’s sister is a talker.”
Roland wrung his hands together.
“I’ve always favored whiskey,” Gabriel shared, his tone recognizing the absurdity of drinking away a heartbreak. “But I’ll have some water.”
Roland pulled out a glass and filled it with water then passed it to Gabriel. He picked up the other half of his pizza and carried it to the table, sitting down.
“I hope you don’t mind. I was trying to eat some lunch,” Roland said, pointing toward the pizza. Gabriel dismissed him with a wave of his hand.
