Roland looked at Donny and shook his head.
“I just want you,” Donny choked out.
“And I’m telling you that you need to leave.” Roland sniffed and directed his attention to the wall.
Donny felt like Roland had just reached into his chest and ripped his heart out. He’d always told Roland he would decide when it was too much for him, and right now, Donny felt like his entire body would collapse under the weight of Roland’s rejection.
Maybe this moment here is finally too much.
His mouth parted and he looked up at Roland with watery eyes. His chin quivered and he couldn’t control it.
“Roland,” he pleaded.
“Get out! Just fucking go! Stop making this so hard,” Roland yelled, his voice crumbling on the last word.
Donny sucked his lower lip into his mouth and bit it until he tasted blood. He nodded slightly, then stepped backward until he was out of the studio. In the living room, he did his best to contain a strangled cry as he picked Pete up and tucked him carefully under his arm.
He rode the elevator down to the lobby and called a car to take him home. He managed to contain himself the entire ride, chewing away at his lip and swallowing the coppery blood while he focused on the way Pete’s fur felt under his fingers.
When the car pulled up to his house, Athena was sitting on his front porch.
“Where did you fucking take off to during your own birthday party?” she shouted at him when he got out of the car. He dropped his head and walked to his front door, trying to push past her, but she grabbed his arm and spun him in her direction.
“Adonis. What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice much softer and more concerned. Donny looked up at this sister, not even minding her use of his name. He couldn’t hold himself together one second longer. He let out a half-sob and collapsed into her waiting arms.
Chapter 25
There Is Nothing That Can Stop Me
Roland had destroyed everything.
It had been three days since Donny walked out. Or rather, three days since Roland had thrown him out.
You can sulk, and yell, and throw things, you can even close your eyes when I come inside you, but the next time you throw me out of your house will be the last.
Donny’s words from the beginning of their relationship bounced around in his head painfully, like jagged rocks. Roland may have overreacted, but the truth of what he meant and what he said was still irrefutable. Donny deserved someone better than him. Someone who wasn’t at constant war with himself the way Roland was. The fact that Roland was ready to be a better person had no bearing on the situation at all.
He’d texted and called Donny and was met with silence. He’d gone by Donny’s house and banged on the door until the neighbors threatened to call the cops, but no one let him in.
Last night he’d even had a fleeting thought about Cody. If Roland had only known that staying on his medication would make no difference, he could have told Cody—you can stay with me, because I’ll be this way no matter what. There is nothing that can stop me from destroying the best parts of my life.
In the past two days, he’d barely left his studio. He hadn’t changed clothes, he hadn’t showered, he wasn’t even sure he’d eaten. He’d drank though, two-drink-or-less rule be damned. But most importantly, he’d continued to take his medication.
Today was day three, and just as he swallowed his tiny pill with a big swig of vodka, his phone rang. His heart jumped in his chest.Donny, a hopeful voice inside his heart said before his brain promptly laughed until it drowned the thought.
Roland glanced at the screen and accepted the call.
“Hello?” His words sounded slurred and scratchy, even to his own ears.
“Mr. Wilson?” a peppy female voice questioned.
Roland chuckled. “Sure.”
“Hi. This is Kathryn from Gallery 17. How are you?”
Shit. Kathryn was the name of the assistant curator at the gallery he was supposed to be showing at this weekend. The owner had been so excited, talking about all the acclaim they’d receive by showcasing new pieces from the one and only Roland Wilson, but Roland wasn’t sure what he had was up to par.
“Yes,” Roland said, taking another drink.
