“Okay,” Roland said, “I just want you to know that you can.”
“Thank you.”
He liked this Roland— the mildly happy and generally accommodating version of him, who was obviously much more at ease when he could pick up a paintbrush without fear. Donny had suspected since the first time he saw Roland’s sunset paintings at Gabriel’s that they might be a trigger for Roland, but he never would have guessed how instantaneous the reaction would be. It was like a switch had been flipped, and all of a sudden the world had been rolled out at Roland’s feet in bright, vibrant color.
Donny traced a heart on the side of Roland’s knee.
“Can I ask you something?” He shifted his weight so he could see Roland’s face.
“You can. But I might not answer.” Roland chuckled.
“Oh, you’re cute.” Donny pinched his thigh.
“Ask me.”
“Are we? Is this…” Donny trailed off, “I don’t know. Whatisthis, Roland?”
Roland stared at him and scrunched his nose up like he’d caught a whiff of a bad smell.
“Let me try again,” Donny said. He didn’t like the way this conversation was heading and it had barely started, but it had to happen. Donny had been patient and understanding with Roland, and in his way, Roland had reciprocated Donny’s affections and attention, but Donny couldn’t silence the voice in his head that perked up when he’d walked in the studio earlier.
He can paint again, he doesn’t need you.
Donny had told Roland in the beginning that he would make the decisions about what was best for him, that he would step back if things were too much, or not enough. He didn’t want things to ever reach a time where they were either of those things though. Donny was starting to care for Roland, but if he was going to end up being discarded, Donny would prefer to cut his losses now.
“Okay, try again,” Roland encouraged although his face seemed to indicate he wasn’t interested in the course of the conversation.
“You know my birthday is in a couple weeks, right?”
Roland nodded.
“Athena is having a little get together for me, and I’d like you to come.”
Roland nodded again.
“How am I supposed to introduce you?” Donny was getting exasperated with Roland’s avoidance.
“With my name, I’d assume.”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it. I can’t introduce you as my friend, because that’s an understatement, isn’t it? Friends don’t fuck the way we do. So, are you my boyfriend, Roland?”
Roland wiggled out from under Donny and went into the kitchen. He pulled a bottle of vodka out of the freezer and poured himself a drink. He took a healthy swig before he returned to the couch and sat down on the opposite end from Donny. Roland took another drink and set the glass on the table. Thinking about being his boyfriend drove Roland to drinking? Donny felt like he was going to be sick.
“I don’t understand why anything needs to have titles. Can’t it just be what it is?” Roland picked the glass back up and took another drink, seemingly deciding at this point to just hang on to it instead of placing it back on the table. “Can’t I just be Roland?”
“Of course you can be Roland. YouareRoland.”
“Then why is this an issue?”
Roland’s voice took on an accusatory edge that Donny hadn’t heard in weeks and he sucked his lower lip into his mouth, clamping down with his teeth.
“Have you been in a relationship before?”
“Of course,” Roland scoffed.
“Did you call him your boyfriend?”
Roland scratched his lip with the back of his thumb and his eyes took on a sort of glazed look Donny hadn’t seen before.
