“Why?” Gabriel shook his head no, voice barely above a whisper.
“Because I love you,” Joel insisted, gripping Gabriel's hands with a near-crippling intensity.
“But,why?” Gabriel emphasized his question, breaking his hands free to grab Joel's face between his hands.
“How can you see me so clearly, but you can't see yourself, Gabriel? What's not to love? You are so fucking intelligent and so passionate. You are thoughtful, and kind, and generous.” Joel dragged one of Gabriel's hands down to wrap around the leather watch on Joel's wrist, squeezing his fingers. “Because you see me, Gabriel. And no ever has before. No one cared enough to take the time to look long enough to fucking see me.”
“Athena,” Gabriel said, flexing his fingers around the bones of Joel's wrist.
“Athena doesn’t fucking count. She's different and you know it. You want me to tell you, then shut up and let me tell you. You always listen, Gabriel. You listen to the things I’m saying when I'm not even talking, so listen for real right now, okay?”
Gabriel leaned back in his chair, barely relaxing his hold on Joel's face and wrist. He would listen. It was the least he could do, and Joel was right. If there was anything in the world he excelled at, it was listening to Joel.
“I don’t need to hide with you. My whole life has been constructed around hiding from everyone else. Hiding so I don’t disappoint anyone. Hiding so I don’t get hurt. Just… hiding. And then I left, and I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t hiding when I was with you, and now I don’t want to start hiding again. Fuck, Gabriel, I feel so fucking alone without you. I feel naked, like everyone can see who I am, and my old tricks don’t feel like they can keep me safe anymore. But you can keep me safe, you want to keep me safe.” Joel reached his hands up, pressing Gabriel's against his face with a pressure and urgency he couldn’t fight. “So I came back here, and you weren’t here, and fuck, Gabriel, it was so late and I was scared I’d lost my chance, and I wanted a chance to stop hiding forever and love you back.” He searched Gabriel's face with his eyes, looking for any clues about how his truth was being received. “That’s what I was doing when you found me, with the dish soap. It strips hair color, and it was my last defense. I wanted it gone. I hoped that when you came home, if you came home, you’d see who I really am, and you would still want to love me.”
Gabriel didn’t realize he was crying until Joel sucked in a breath, climbed onto his lap, and pressed kisses against Gabriel's wet cheeks and clumped eyelashes. “Please don’t cry, Gabriel. I’ll never leave you again, I promise. I don’t ever want to be anywhere but where you are.”
Gabriel opened his mouth and the resulting cry was muffled as Joel smashed their lips together, taking Gabriel’s pain into himself. Gabriel let Joel explore his mouth. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, bringing his hands up to frame Joel's face, and pulled back slightly.
Joel's eyes opened with the separation and Gabriel looked for any shred of doubt, any hint of confusion, but all that reflected back at him was love. It wasn’t shiny and it wasn’t perfect, it was messy and it hurt, but Gabriel wouldn't have it any other way. Gabriel closed the distance between them, reaching down to knead Joel's ass with eager hands. Gabriel picked Joel up and sat him roughly on top of the dining table. He reached up with one hand, thumb under Joel's chin, and pushed his face back and stretched out his throat for Gabriel’s mouth. Gabriel nipped forcefully at the column of Joel's throat and around to the side of his neck, relishing the feel of Joel's furiously pounding pulse under his tongue. With his other hand, Gabriel tore Joel's pants down, then stuck his fingers in Joel’s mouth, pressing down his tongue. “Get them wet, Little Red.”
Joel sucked furiously around the intrusion, coating Gabriel's fingers with spit, even as he choked when Gabriel reached farther down his throat. Gabriel wrenched his hand free, reached down and shoved two wet fingers inside Joel's eager hole. Joel choked out a moan of pleasure and fucked himself against Gabriel's hand, “Gabriel, please. Now, please, fuck.” Joel writhed across the table, neck still restrained by Gabriel's other hand. He flailed an arm out to grasp the edge of the table, knocking a full mug of coffee to the floor with a loud thud.
Joel cried out when Gabriel pulled his fingers free, using the same hand to pull his own pants down, low enough to expose his cock. Gabriel pushed Joel backward, climbing up on the table so his weight sat on Joel's chest. Gabriel could feel Joel's heartbeat vibrating his entire body, and Gabriel tilted his cock down, teasing at Joel's mouth.
“Get it wet, Little Red. I’m not going to use a condom when I fuck you this time.” Gabriel grunted as he shoved his cock into Joel's mouth, stifling the resulting moan echoing out of Joel's throat. As Joel dutifully sucked and licked, he never closed his eyes, holding Gabriel's stare as he swallowed Gabriel's cock, inch by inch. Gabriel watched a smile light up Joel's eyes, even as tears leaked free, but Gabriel could see these weren’t the same kind of tears from earlier.
The sheer thought of Joel crying around his cock made his balls tighten and pushed him perilously toward an orgasm, so he ripped himself free of Joel's mouth, moving down to tuck in between Joel's thighs. Gabriel's cock glistened with spit and pre-cum, like Joel's mouth, and Gabriel didn’t hesitate as he pushed himself inside of Joel.
Gabriel exhaled a deep breath and leaned down to take Joel's mouth in a kiss. He forced his way inside the tight channel, savoring the way Joel stretched to accommodate him.
“Gabriel, it hurts,” Joel whimpered. He didn’t make it sound like it was a bad thing, but Gabriel wrapped his arms around Joel, pulling both of their bodies off the table, but not pulling his cock free. He stepped through the puddle of cold coffee on the floor and dropped Joel's body onto a counter in the kitchen, the movement seating himself farther inside of Joel, and both of them gasped at the sensation. Gabriel pulled open a cabinet door, feeling around blindly until he found a bottle of olive oil. He unscrewed the cap, poured it haphazardly over his cock, and started to fuck in and out of Joel.
What started as a whimper of pain from Joel's mouth turned into a full-formed cry of arousal as Gabriel fucked him furiously hard.
“Never leave me again, Joel. Promise me you’ll never leave me again.” Gabriel dropped his head onto Joel's shoulder, thrusting faster.
“I promise.”
“Promise me you’ll take my love. Promise me you’ll learn to be happy with the way I love you.” Gabriel thrust deep, tagging Joel's prostate with his cock. Joel choked on a gasp.
“Fuck, Gabriel, it’s too good.” Joel reached between their oil-slicked bodies to stroke his own cock in time with Gabriel's movements.
“Promise me.” Gabriel was barreling toward his orgasm, and it threatened to set his entire body on fire.
“I promise, fuck, Gabriel. Love me, please fucking love me.” Joel sputtered on the last words as spurts of cum tore free from his dick, falling and covering them both.
“Fuck, Little Red.” Gabriel slowed his thrusts, pulling back slightly to look at the mess Joel had made of their bodies. “I’ll love you forever, I promise you that.” Joel scooped his cum from Gabriel's muscled stomach and pushed his fingers into Gabriel's mouth. He accepted the intrusion, biting down on Joel's fingers as he sucked them clean, thrusting deep inside of Joel as he came.
Gabriel's orgasm tore through him, forcing his body into violent shudders and uneven thrusts. Gabriel dug his fingers into Joel's thighs, undoubtedly leaving bruises as he seated himself fully inside of him. Gabriel reached up to pull Joel's fingers from his mouth and pressed their foreheads together as he tried to catch his breath.
Once his legs were steady, Gabriel reached down and pinched himself on the thigh because he couldn’t believe it wasn’t a dream. He let his softening cock slide free of Joel, picked him up, and carried him to the bathroom. Gabriel deposited Joel inside the shower, turning the water to warm, and climbed in behind him. Joel tilted his head back to rest on Gabriel's chest, and Gabriel squirted soap directly into his hand, rubbing the lather over Joel's stomach and thighs to clean away the oil and cum.
They were silent as Gabriel cleaned Joel, reverently stroking his fingertips across Joel's skin. When Joel was clean, Gabriel cleaned himself quickly, then rinsed them both before reaching out for a towel. He wrapped it around Joel's body, drying his shoulders, then his chest and arms. Joel stepped out of the shower and Gabriel dried his legs, his feet. He kissed Joel’s arches reverently. Gabriel stood and led them both back into the bedroom and pulled out clean clothes. He slid a shirt over Joel's head and smoothed the sleeves down as he searched Joel's face for any hint of regret.
The silence was starting to make him worry. Had he overstepped with the way he forced himself on Joel in the dining room? He counted the delicate purple bruises around Joel's waist. He should have taken more care.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of the way you love me,” Joel said, breaking the silence, and Gabriel's head shot up in surprise. Joel reached for the open drawer of the dresser, pulling out a shirt and reaching up to slide it over Gabriel's head, much the same way Gabriel had done to him. “I’ll never doubt that you love me. It’s in every action, every look, every motion. The way you watch me, the way you make love to me.” Joel trailed his fingers over the bruises Gabriel was staring at.
