“Me offering for you, isn’t a sham. I’m doing the honorable thing and making everything right. As I’m expected to do.”
“I don’t want your bloody honor,” she scoffed. “It’s never been a thing I wanted. I want your honesty and your heart and those are things you’re too afraid to pledge.”
“You heard her,” St. Simon said from the doorway.
Cadoc, turned, still down on one knee and glared at him. “You’re the one who was so adamant about this.”
“Because I wanted her to have options. As every woman should. If she’s said this gesture isn’t enough, then it isn’t. And it’s her choice to make.”
Cad rose to his feet. It was obvious he wanted to return the punch Thaddeus had delivered, and was barely restraining himself from lashing out. “Then her ruination, the one you were so desperate to prevent, is on your head.”
In that moment, Jess resolved that she would have him wholly. At least the part of him that was hunger and desire.
After Thaddeus and Arie returned her to the cottage, she snuck into the night. “Why are you here? I gave it back. Every single piece. And what have I told you about wandering about in the cold and the dark?”
His tone was bitter and he was practically snarling. But why would he care whether she traipsed into the night alone?Unless he cared.
He hadn’t bothered to button his shirt, and for a moment Jess was transfixed by the play of starlight over the expanse of muscle. He was gripping the neck of a bottle of whisky.
“I’m not here about the microscope.”
“Then why are you here, dragonfly?”
His expression was inscrutable, his eyes red-rimmed and he smelled like he’d been swimming in a barrel of liquor instead of drinking it.
“Because this thing between us is unresolved.”
“You turned me down. Loudly and publicly in front of your sister and her family.”
“Because you offered to marry me out of a sense of responsibility.” She stepped closer. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want other things.”
He closed his eyes and the deep breath he took made the shirt flutter. When he opened them, they were brimming with despair and resignation. “What if I don’t want to give you those things? What if I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have?”
Jess closed the door and pushed past him. “I accepted the wager. You may have pressured me into it, but it was something I wanted. Even if I couldn’t admit it to myself.” This time when she drew near, he flinched.
“I manipulated you, Jess. You didn’t have a choice because I didn’t give you one. I have to live with that. From the very beginning I knew you would be the victim of its end. I knew the shame and the tragedy would all be heaped on your shoulders.And I still let my selfishness jeopardize everything you’ve worked for. I know I was wrong and I can’t forgive myself for the damage I caused.”
She braced her hands on her hips and tipped her chin toward him at a mutinous angle. “I am an independent woman and willing to take responsibility for my own actions. Every decision I made was a step I eagerly took. You didn’t coerce me.”
The supple curve of his mouth thinned into a brittle line. “It was coercion, Jess. I forced your hand just as I’ve been battering my way into places denied me my entire life. I’ve never cared to examine the consequences of my actions. Until now when they’ve barred me from the one thing I want the most.”
Jess placed her hand in the middle of his chest and felt the warm flex of muscle beneath it. She’d expected his flesh to becool to the touch, like marble, because of the starlight. It wasn’t. It was as warm and golden as she remembered.
She slid her fingers to his waistband and his jaw tightened. She curled her fingers around the edge of his trousers and he tipped his head back and clenched the hand not holding the bottle. She tapped her fingernails against the warm, golden skin, because she couldn’t resist touching him, and he quivered, like a taut bowstring. When she pushed, he stepped backward, as if he couldn’t resist her either.
“It wasn’t coercion, Cad. I wanted you then, and I want you now. To hell with my reticence and everything and everyone telling me you’re unworthy of my affection.Or that I shouldn’t want this.”
He groaned, and the bottle slipped from his hand. It shattered on the floor and the liquid splashed and sloshed all over her skirt. He didn’t give her time to protest or exclaim. His hands rose to her face and bracketed it before he swooped. His lips captured hers and he groaned again.
He spun her away from the door, kicked it closed and then swung her back around to pin her against it.
He groaned again, mumbled something monosyllabic and incoherent into the kiss, and the solid weight of his palm slid over her thigh. She felt it through the layers of her clothing, like a brand so hot the flames were the eerie white color fierce enough to shape metal.
When he curled her leg around his waist, she clung. She longed to feel him there, just there, more than she needed her next breath. The stars swirling through her brain were an echo of the sky she’d walked under to be with him tonight, and all of the desire she’d kept banked coalesced into a single, luminous point of light.
“I am bad for you, Jess Wainwright. This will only hurt you more, ruin you and your chances.”
She tipped away from the kiss and snaked her fingers around his stubborn, cleft chin. “I choose this, Cadoc Morgan. Just as I’ve been choosing it all along. I’ll choose my own chances and determine my own ruin.”
