He turned her about and tipped her chin up. His lips fluttered over the corners of her mouth before they settled against her own. They were firm and she could sense his resolve as he gathered the strength to walk away. If this was to be all they shared, Jess knew she needed to do the same. She broke the kiss and gently scraped her fingers over his shadowed jaw.
“Goodbye, Cadoc,” she said as she felt her throat closing up. “I’ll see you tomorrow when you deliver my winnings.”
She slipped away from him, desperate to escape before the sobs she was biting back fell from her lips. She felt his eyes on her, like an arrow nocked to a bow, on the brink of being loosed, but restrained by an indomitable will.
Jess wrapped her cloak under her chin and nearly ran home. When she got there, she pushed the door closed and leaned against it, finally letting herself feel the emptiness.
She felt bereft and broken and she didn’t know if she’d ever feel whole again because of all the wreckage she felt inside her heart.
She let the tears fall silently, her hurt and pain muffled against the wood. She was wiping her eyes when someone gently caressed her arm.
“I know it hurts, dear heart,” her sister Cece murmured.
Jess turned and buried her face between her sister’s shoulder and neck. “Why does it have to hurt this much?”
“Love always hurts. Until it doesn’t. Even then it’s still a constant battle,” Cece said as she stroked her back.
“I didn’t plan on falling in love with him - but I was in the middle of it before I even knew what was happening,” Jess raggedly mumbled.
“That’s the beauty and the agony of it. It comes upon us when we least expect it and leaves us floundering.”
“How am I supposed to live with this? Knowing I’m likely no more than a dalliance to him, and if I’m more than that, he’s determined to keep that knowledge to himself and never act on it?”
“Men are obstinate and often ignorant. And as I said yesterday, often truly afraid of surrendering to what they feel.”
“I don’t know what he feels for me beyond lust. He’s said things, but only when he was showing me the strength of his attraction. I don’t think I can trust there’s more.”
“I can’t tell you everything will be alright, or assure you that he’ll be brave enough to ever tell you how he feels. All I can tell you is that I’m here for you and I’ll be here to help you mend yourself if you need to. As will Vin and Emily and Gertie and Arie and Fran.”
Jess eased herself from her sister’s embrace and wiped away her tears once again. “Thank you.”
Cece met her gaze and brushed her hand over Jess’s cheek. “You’re welcome, dear heart. Find your courage, just as I did with Mal. Let it be your blade.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Cadocfeltawkwardinher space. He’d packaged her microscope that morning with trembling hands and made himself a resolution to set her free.
She moved through her classroom with brusque efficiency and he wanted to sink through the floor. He set the package he’d brought on the edge of her desk and cleared his throat. “The terms of our wager have been met and I’ve upheld my end of the bargain.”
She whirled around and clasped a hand to her mouth. “You’ve returned my microscope!”
Her enthusiasm was contagious, and he couldn’t hold back his answering grin. “I’ve polished it for you.”
“You needn’t have,” she said with a furrow between her brows.
“It’s the least I could do after my reprehensible behavior.”
“I thought we’d established I was a willing participant.”
“We have, but I still felt the need to make amends.”
She stomped toward him, scowling fiercely. “No amends, Cadoc. Treat me the same way you’ve been treating me - as an equal.”
He stowed his hands in his pockets, so he wouldn’t reach out and draw her to him. “You are my equal in everything but experience.”
“And we were well on our way to remedying that discrepancy.”
She came to a halt in front of him, her breath a thready staccato, her hands twisted in the folds of her skirt.
