Keeping my voice low, I say, “Who?”
Sobs rip through her body. Barely getting out the words, “Your father.”
I shake my head in disbelief; my dad went to visit her? He doesn't even know about Kendall. With my eyes wide and eyebrows reaching my hairline, I can’t comprehend what she just said.
“My dad? I’m so confused. Why would he visit you? He doesn't…” The memory comes flooding back. When I confessed everything to Logan… was he listening in on our conversation?
She leans over and picks up a stack of papers. It feels like she is moving in slow motion as she shoves the papers into my hand. A piece of paper falls to the ground. I crouch over and pick it up. My eyes locked on a check made out to Kendall with my dad’s signature. It has a lot of zeros.
“What the fuck is this?” My body is humming with anger. Why am I holding this check?
“Your father came by, threatened me, and handed that check to me, saying it would be easier if I just walked away from you.” Her chin now rests on her forearms as she holds back the sobs building in her body, trembling.
“Shit. I didn’t know.” It’s all that comes out of my mouth, as I’m wracking my brain why he would do this. “Walk away from me? Wait, are you considering this?”
She stares out at the pool, avoiding eye contact with me. It makes my heart skip a beat. She can’t seriously think this is a good idea.
“Am I the right person for you? Maybe you’d be better off without all the baggage dragging behind me, tarnishing your family name. It’s a lot.”
“Kendall.” I take her chin in my fingers and guide her back to look at me. “You have quickly become the light of my life. I didn’t even know I was missing before I met you. Your baggage is my baggage. Please don’t let him get into your head like this. He thinks he knows what’s best for me. But I’m the only one who knows you’re it for me.”
She closes her eyes like she wants to be as far away as possible; instead, she’s having this conversation. Slowly opening her eyes, she says, “What if one day you wake up and I’m not what you want anymore? You’re changing your whole life for me—me.”
I slide my arms around her, but she shrugs me off, ever so slightly. All I want to do is comfort her. “It’s not possible not to want you; you are exactly what I want and need in my life. I won’t be able to breathe if you aren’t in my life. I’ve never known anything, ever, like I know you belong with me—you’re mine.”
“Dane…” She gazes at me with compassion mixed with confusion. “He dropped the seeds of doubt and watered them. My thoughts have been reeling ever since. He said people are talking and saying I’m using you to get permits. Which I never asked you to do.”
I interrupt her. “You didn’t, but that wasn’t you using me. I did that because you deserved those permits. They weren’t playing fair.”
“But your dad said people are whispering…”
“Kendall let them whisper. You’re more to me than the gossip around town.” She lets me hold her forearm without pulling away.
“I know it shouldn’t matter, but it was the threats to my reputation, my business, and then trying to pay me off. He absolutely doesn’t want me in your life…I just needed to talk to you and tell you what happened. But now, I need time and some space to figure out what I want. This relationship has been on fast forward since we met.”
“Yes, we’ve moved faster than a lightning bolt, but I wouldn’t change any of it. Let me be here with you. The last thing I want is to be away from you.”
She slides off her chair and stands. “I need some space to think and process all of this. At the end of the day, I want to know that I chose myself over all of this. Over every doubt. Over what your father thinks of me. He really doesn’t want me in your life. He made me question everything about us. Why would I want to even subject myself to any of this?”
“Because we are meant to be together.” I hear more cracking in my chest as my heart splits open.
Her head down-turned, she says, “Maybe that’s true, but is it worth risking? Hell, one day maybe I’ll wake up and realize I don’t want to be second to your firm.”
“No, nope. That’s him planting doubt in your mind. Please don’t let him infiltrate what we have. I’ve prioritized our time together as much as I can. You’ve been understanding at every turn. What happened with Maggie destroyed me. And with you, I’m willing to risk it all. Risk it all with me—for us.”
More tears fall down her face as she glances at me for a split second, love in her eyes. I want to tell her I love her, but it’s not the time. And I feel a tear slide down my cheek. Without wiping it away, I listen.
“I’ve been fighting not to fall for you, and when I finally let my guard down, I feel like someone else is making decisions for me. Does that sound familiar? Your dad is paying me off to make the decision he wants for you. You may not think you are like him, but you’ve made choices for me too. Right now, I’m choosing to find my center and choose myself. I need to know, without a shadow of a doubt, what I want, without someone else dictating it for me. Please give me the time and space I’m asking for.”
I massage the back of my neck as tension builds in my shoulders and chest. “I’ll give you whatever you want. If you need time? Done. Just know I want to hold you in my arms and tell you how much you mean to me. You’ve quickly become my everything. Don’t completely push me away, or shut me out.”
The flicker of realization in her eyes leaves hope lingering in the air.
She turns on her heel and walks to her door. “Thank you, Dane.”
And she leaves me there sitting on her chair, determined not to give up on her—on us.
THIRTY-NINE
