“You’re right. You should’ve done a better job afterwards of trying to reassure me.” He opens his mouth to cut in but I continue. “But, I also didn’t make that easy for you. I didn’t try to listen to your side of it. And for that, I’m sorry.”
He deflates in relief.
“I was just feeling insecure after learning about it and instead of trying to explain that to you, I just got mad instead.”
“You have nothing to be insecure about. I promise, it was a one time thing between me and Jane and Nikolai. And I shouldn’t have thrown the other people I’ve hooked up with in your face.”
I flinch at the reminder of that. “I know you’ve experienced a lot, I’m not naive. But I would just prefer not to think about it.”
He reaches out but pulls his hand back at the last second. Scared of making the first contact, scared of being rejected. “I promise, Penny, that I haven’t once thought about anyone else since I found you again.”
That sickening feeling I’ve been carrying around in my gut since last night slowly dissolves. The sincerity on his face, in his voice, is enough for me to try to let it all go.
“We both said things we aren’t proud of,” I say, stepping closer. “But I accept your apology, if you’ll accept mine.”
A small smile lifts the corner of his mouth. “This is going better than I thought it would.”
I laugh lightly. “See what happens when you come to the table with understanding instead of anger? Things get resolved much more quickly.”
“Well aren’t you a wise one.”
“I try.”
Our eyes lock onto each other, drinking each other in. The man in front of me isn’t one I want to fight with. He’s the one I want by my side. His cheeks flush pink in the cool air, giving him a softer edge.
I want to take a picture of it.
After a moment, he speaks again, voice hesitant. “I hated being left behind last night.” His shoulders are rigid as he makes his admission.
The vulnerability he’s showing cuts me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to feel like I was abandoning you. I just needed some space.”
“I get it. Didn’t like it, but I get it. I just—maybe next time, we can still sleep in the same bed after. Just so I know…that you’re there.”That you’re not going anywhere. The unspoken words fill the space between us.
I wrap my arms around his waist. Our bodies molding to each other, like two halves so vastly different in size but somehow fit together perfectly. “Deal.”
He opens his mouth but then slams it shut. His throat works, like he’s swallowing the words he almost said. But I can see them.
See it in his eyes.
The same thing I’ve been too scared to tell him, eventhough I’ve felt it. Ifeelit. Even when I was angry at him, I knew it in my bones.
I love you.
His dark eyes soften in a way I rarely see, and it’s there. Those three words.
Neither of us say it, but we both know.
32
Reid
The churning in my stomach hasn’t stopped since I woke up this morning. Not even the comfort of Penny snuggling into my side, the smell of her shampoo, the early morning sun setting her hair aglow like an angel.
None of it helped. Even as she worked to keep me distracted. Nausea still rolls, growing stronger and stronger as the time nears for me to leave.
We’re finally doing it. Heading on a retreat.
It shouldn’t feel like life or death, but in a way, it is. We’re either going to come out of this stronger, with repairs in place and a path forward.
