I didn’t expect to walk out of here with a best friend, the father I never had, a happily ever after. But I don’t think I realized just how much foolish hope had built up in my chest until I feel it crumbling right now, slipping through my fingers like grains of sand.
Who do I have in this life?
This is the only family I have left. The thought almost makes me panic right here in this open house. Makes me want to punch a hole in the perfect white walls that will one day be occupied by a perfect little family.
That I’ll never have.
Never did.
“Did you know she’s dead?” Maybe I should’ve delivered it with a little more tack, but I have no empathy left for this man.
He flinches, but I don’t think it’s because he’s sad about it. “No, like I said, I didn’t have any contact with her. But I’m sorry for your loss.”
My loss.
I almost laugh. I lost her long before she died.
I debate telling him. About how she abandoned me. Chose getting drunk and high over me.
But why would he care?
He chose his other life, his other marriage, over me.
I thought maybe when he found out I’m as successful as I am, he’d ask me for money. I’d hate him for it, but at least it’d be something. But this…this indifference? I didn’t expect that.
“Don’t you want anything from me?” The question is meek, pathetic sounding. The small boy I was never allowed to be, coming through now.
He lets out an exhausted sigh. “Unless you want to buy this house, then no.” He shakes his head. “No, I don’t want anything from you. And hopefully you don’t expect anything from me.”
I guess not.
Well, this is it. This is what I flew all the way across the country for.
What a fucking waste. Him, and all of this.
There’s nothing left to say. All the potential questions, things I wanted to know about him, his life, dry up and wither away like old paper in the wind.
“Don’t worry, I don’t need anything from you.” I spin on my heel and start back toward the door.
“Reid?” he calls out to my retreating back. Despite everything that just happened, I pause anyway. Maybe he wants something, regrets the way things went, wants to get my number?—
“I’m sorry you found me.” His words are sincere, full of self-loathing, and it almost makes me pity him. Almost.
I look over my shoulder, taking one last look at the last of my blood family. “I’m sorry I did, too.” I mean it just as much as he does.
With that, I stalk out of the house to my car. The door slams with a violent thud, making the vehicle shake. I grip the wheel, knuckles turning white. There’s a deafening roar in my ears. My phone sits untouched in the cupholder. I didn’t even realize I didn’t bring it in with me.
I stare at it. Who should I call? I need to talk to someone. Need to scream. Need to hit something and feel the skin on my fingers split.
But who would even answer? Who would even care? Everyone’s dealing with their own shit right now. Hayden and Nik have shut everyone out, Walker’s been MIA…Arun’s my manager. Although he’s been there for us, if we’re not working, does he really care?
The reality crashes over me that no, no one does.
It’s just me.
Like it always has been.
Like it always will be.
