“Hey, man,” I say.
“Hey,” he says curtly.
“How’s it going?”
He cracks his knuckles, and is it fucked up that part of me wouldn’t hate if this ended with them in my face again, like the incident two years ago? “It’s going.”
Okay then.
The air is charged, slightly awkward, and enormously heavy as we settle in side by side, shoulder to shoulder. Right next to each other but feeling so far away.
Penny doesn’t even ask us what we want to drink. She’d already offered to me before that she’d break the rules for me today and let us both have whiskey. She’s quick to grab the bottle and pour one for each of us.
“Didn’t see you at Nikolai’s release party.”
He stares straight ahead at the bar. “Had a lot going on.”
There’s always a lot going on, and even though Walker and I have had our issues, one thing I can always say about him is that he’s the kind of guy that shows up. So the fact that he didn’t for Nikolai…
Penny slides our drinks across the counter, both served in a coffee mug. “I’ll leave you two to it,” she says, giving us a small smile. She abandons the rag she was wiping down the bar top with and brushes her hands against her jeans.
I stare at her ass as she walks away, and by the extra sway in her hips, I know she knows I’m watching her go.
Walker twirls the mug around, staring at the dark liquor with a heavy sigh. “Why’d you ask me to come here?” There’s no bite to his tone. Only pure exhaustion that’s mirrored by the heavy set of his shoulders.
Looking at the man next to me, he’s hardly recognizable to the man I once called my brother growing up. He looks hollow.
Maybe all the fights and anger and resentment have eaten at him too, or maybe it’s something more.
“I wanted to talk to you,” I say, fiddling with the handle on my mug. “Figured it’s long overdue.”
He scoffs and takes a long drink. This isn’t the Walker I once knew. There’s a thick wall between us, fortified by both of our sins, and I’m not sure how to begin to chip away at it. Sending a text was the easy part.
Now there’s this.
But he’s here, so maybe there’s hope for our relationshipafter all. Hell, if Penny and I can get back on the same page after ten years apart, I don’t see why Walker and I can’t begin to, too.
“I don’t know, man,” Walker says with an exhausted laugh that’s more a puff of air than anything. “I didn’t expect to hear from you.”
“Yeah, me either.” I glance over at Penny at the other end of the bar. “But I don’t know…it just felt right. And everything else feels so wrong.”
He nods and continues to stare at his cup, which is already almost empty.
Raising an eyebrow at him, I reach over the bar and grab the bottle of whiskey. I don’t want to get Penny in trouble, so I quickly top off his drink and set it back down.
When he turns to look at me, I notice the dark circles under his eyes. The green of them has dulled and lines crinkle at the edges. His cheeks are covered in stubble that’s a few days past needing a shave, and his shoulders are dropped as if the weight of them is too much for him. He looks like a mess and concern shoots through me.
“What’s up, man, you good?” I turn on the barstool to face him, showing him I’m ready to listen.
But he shakes his head, black hair limp, and motions to me. “What did you ask me here to talk about?”
I try not to go on the defensive at the dismissiveness in his tone. I’ve gotten nowhere leading with fear, with anger. And seeing it reflected in the tentative way Penny kissed me the other night, I realized it’s not so fun being on the other end of it. This was one of my best friends. I would take a bullet for him with a smile, throw a punch for him without a second thought, and yet the scariest thing of all is to tell him everything about my past.
But it’s time to stop letting fear win. I refuse to be weak. To be a puppet to it.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry.”
I don’t know what I expected him to say, or do, when I apologized, but sitting there motionless wasn’t it. It throws me off and I’m silenced for a moment, wondering what to say next.
