“Yeah,” she hedges. “So?”
“So, this gives you some flexibility to figure out what you want to do, and you can do it knowing that you don’t have thousands of dollars hanging over your head. I always wanted to take care of that for you and it’s done.”
“You can’t?—”
“I can, and I did. Accept it, Penny.” My tone brokers no arguments, but I’m sure she’s still trying to come up with another one anyway.
After she told me about her friends trying to get her to work for them and her refusal, I knew it must go deeper than her not wanting to accept their help. She’s scared. After a lifetime of inconsistency, she’s found it at her job. It’snot her dream, but it’s comfortable for her. It’s what she knows.
And she knows her bills will be paid and can keep chipping away at her debt.
Debt that I never wanted her to worry about to begin with.
“I’ll pay you back,” she finally says. “I promise.”
I look out at the darkening sky and smell the rain in the air. “No, you won’t.”
“Then you better not ever try to hold it over my head and use it against me.”
Irritation lights up my chest but I try to squash it, knowing I’d have the same reaction. We were both raised that way, forced to think like that in the environment we were put in.
“I’d never fucking do that to you,” I snarl.
She’s quiet for a moment before saying softly, almost like she’s reassuring herself, “I know.”
The door to my left cracks open with a loud screech. The last person I would expect to walk through it does. Hayden eyes me tentatively, curiously, as he lets the door click shut behind him.
Sprinkles of rain start to fall.
“Are we done talking about this?” I ask Penny and hold up a hand for Hayden to signal I’ll be off in a second. He waves me off and brushes his dark hair out of his eyes.
“I haven’t decided yet,” she says defiantly. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” I say, aware that I now have an audience. I hang up the phone without another word and tuck it into my pocket.
“Everything alright?” Hayden asks. He pulls the hood of his sweatshirt up as if it’ll protect him from the rain.
I tuck my phone away and wipe the droplets from my forehead. “Yeah, all good.” I take a step to the left so I’m further under the awning, but it also brings me closer to him. He seems just as uncomfortable with it as he shoves his hands into his pockets. I cross mine across my chest.
The rain picks up until it’s a dull roar completely enveloping us. The sidewalks have emptied and the gray overcast has brought nightfall sooner than expected. For a few moments, the pouring streams blanketing around us are the only sound as we stand here.
Years of history and friendship stretch between us, and yet neither of us know what to say. When I look at Hayden, I don’t just see my best friend and our bassist. I see someone I trusted with my life, someone I loved more fiercely than I ever loved anyone else, just like Nik and Walker. I see someone talented, haunted, and mostly, I see someone who cut me off at a time when I needed him most. When I thoughthewould’ve neededmemost, and he didn’t. He didn’t let me be there for him.
And I let that hurt turn to anger and that anger into arguments and those arguments into resentment. And he deserved every bit of it.
So then why do I feel guilty as we stand here looking at one another like we’re strangers?
“I’m surprised you came tonight,” he says finally.
I stiffen. “Why would that surprise you?”
“Because I haven’t seen you in months. You never come around whenever we get together.”
“That’s because my invitation is often lost in the mail,” I shoot back. His dark eyes flash but he doesn’t try to make a defense. “Nikolai’s my best friend. I wouldn’t miss this for him.”
“Well, I’m sure he’s glad you’re here.”
“You speak for him now?”
