But it’s not enough to make me want to stop.
I don’t think anything is.
34
Luke
I’m just getting a stack of pillows lined up for the special date night I’m setting up for Lennon when I get a call from the very last person on earth I ever thought I’d hear from.
“Hello?” I choke and clear my throat.
“Luke, hey. I wasn’t sure if this was still your number.” The voice of my ex-wife rings through the line, and I slump against the arm of the couch.
“Uh, yeah. Still got it,” I say stupidly, but my brain seems to have gone completely blank at the sound of Elle’s voice. We haven’t spoken since the day our divorce papers were signed.
“Obviously.” She laughs lightly. “Well, I’m happy it is because I wanted to call you. I thought about just texting or emailing, but that felt so…I don’t know. Impersonal? I mean, we were together for over a decade, and the thought of writing you an email felt laughable.”
What the hell did she have to email me about? “Yeah, that would’ve been quite a surprise to open that up.”
There’s a rustling in the background, almost as if she’s sitting outside and the breeze is blowing through the speaker. The weather is beautiful for this late in March, but it’s still getting dark early despite the traces of spring.
“I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m calling,” she says.
“Honestly, yeah, I am.”
“Never one to beat around the bush.” I can picture her shaking her head at me like she used to and tucking her blonde hair behind her ear. “I saw an article online from that one blog who always covered Flash news, and it was about you and your new team. I didn’t know you had started coaching.”
Still not sure where she’s going with this, I cross my ankles and stare ahead at the wall. “Yeah, just started this season at Haulton.”
She hums. “That’s what it said. And that your girls made it to the Frozen Four Tournament this season.”
“They did,” I say proudly. It’s just three weeks out and being held just a few hours away in Chicago. “They worked hard, and they’re fucking good, Elle. Really good. Like could win the whole thing, good.” If Lennon can keep cool under the pressure and Aubrey can keep her head on straight and not get baited into stupid penalties…they can do it.
I can hear the smile in her voice as she says, “I’m so happy for you. Truly. When I read the article and saw that you were back involved in the sport, I can’t tell you the relief it gave me.”
“Why?” If anything, I would’ve thought she’d just keep scrolling the second she saw my name.
“Because I know how happy it made you. And I know how much it killed you when you couldn’t play anymore. It ruined you.”
It ruined us.I hear the unspoken words hang between us.
“So to see not only that you’re involved again, but then to see the pictures of you behind the bench, cheering and one evencaught you smiling…” She trails off, and her next words are strained. “I’m just glad you’ve found happiness again, Luke.”
They’re words I didn’t know I needed to hear, from the person I didn’t know I needed to hear them from, for the realization to really sink in. I am happy again. There was a time where I never thought I would be. But coaching, seeing the team succeed and improve and be chosen for the tournament, it reignited my love of the sport again.
I feel like myself again these days.
And I owe it to this job and to the player that inspires me every single day with her tenacity.
The player that I’m currently waiting for to spend the night with. The one I want to spend every night with.
Emotion clogs my throat as I manage to say, “Thank you.” Two words that will never be enough to make up for everything I put Elle through in our time together, but I mean with my entire heart. Then, because there’s always been this little voice in the back of my head that needs to know, I ask, “And are you happy?”
Her response is immediate. “I am. I don’t know if you heard, but I got married again. And uh, a couple months ago we found out we’re expecting.”
The news shouldn’t take me by surprise, but yet it does. But not in a negative way. No. I can’t help but smile actually. “You’re getting the family you always wanted,” I muse. The one I never could spare enough time or attention to give her.
“I am,” she says softly.
