She chuckles brightly. “You may as well havefuck offwritten on your forehead.”
“Didn’t seem to stop you.” I soften my jab with a small grin, and Jenna scoffs playfully.
“Good thing Alice and I are here to charm the donors, and we’re not relying on you. Although I will say, Alice told me why you pitched the charity this year, and I wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss.” Her face shines with honesty, and I accept her regards with a clink of my glass against her own.
“It was Alice’s idea,” I say, not wanting the credit or attention.
“Well, it’s a great cause, and I’m glad the turnout is so good.” We scan the crowded room, and she’s right. It’s a sold-out event. “If you’ll excuse me, I better go make the rounds. And I’m assuming you don’t care to join me?”
“Nope.”
“As I thought. See you later.”
She takes off to mingle and I finish my whiskey, immediately ordering another one. I linger by the bar for as long as socially acceptable but realize I should probably try to talk to at least a few of the people who paid to be here tonight for a good cause.
I take a deep breath, hyping myself up to be social, when suddenly all of the air is sucked clean from my lungs the moment I hear her laughter across the room. I turn to see Lennon talking with a group of women. Her tight body is encased in an emerald silky dress that drapes down her every curve. Black strappy heels peek out from a slit that hits mid-thigh, showcasing the hours she puts in for her sport.
My feet move on their own accord as I cross the room toward her. As if sensing my attention, she flicks her eyes over to me, and they widen before her lips part slightly. Heat overtakes her face, and suddenly I’m happy about the dress code tonight. Mypants suddenly feel too tight, too restrictive, as my cock twitches at the sight of her.
Fuck, am I goddamn teenager right now? I discreetly give my belt a little tug and hope that no one can see what she’s doing to me. Not here. Not anywhere.
“Oh, our guest of honor!” one of the women says as I enter their little circle. I was so distracted by Lennon that I didn’t even notice Dr. Guong. She immediately steps forward, cutting Lennon out of my sight momentarily, and embraces me. I return the gesture, although it’s stiff.
“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” I say as we break apart. “I’m no guest of honor. Trust me, just ask Alice.”
Dr. Guong and the other women laugh, but noticeably, Lennon doesn’t. She eyes me warily.
“Without you, I wouldn’t be here tonight accepting yet another donation that you helped arrange, so in my eyes, you are.” She smiles warmly at me and extends an elegant hand toward Lennon. “I was just talking with one of your athletes here. She had nothing but positive things to say, which surprised us all,” Dr. Guong teases.
I arch a brow at Lennon. “Surprises me, too.”
She distracts herself with a sip of her drink, and when she pulls the glass away, there’s an imprint on it from her red lipstick. Fuck, the color looks tantalizing on her, and I want to smear it across her face with my fingers and mouth. Her eyes are framed in bold dark lashes and between the makeup and color of her dress, the green in them shines like emeralds.
“Can I steal you away for a bit? I’d love to introduce you to the two new board members. I don’t believe you’ve had the chance to meet them yet.” Dr. Guong doesn’t wait for a response as she guides me toward a group near the front of the room.
I open my mouth to protest, not wanting to leave Lennon. Now that I’ve spotted her, I don’t want to take my eyes off her.But I have obligations to uphold, so I allow Dr. Guong to parade me around for the next hour.
All the small talk gives me a headache, and as I drain my glass, I use it as an excuse to dismiss myself to go grab another. I breathe a sigh of relief when I’m out of the mix once more and blending into the shadows at the back of the room.
Forfeiting a formal-plated dinner where everyone is restricted to their seats, high-top tables are scattered around the room for people to gather and bounce from one to the next. Although, I’ve officially had enough of that. I clocked the one in the back corner, near the bar, the moment I walked in, and after making the rounds, I rest my elbows against it and enjoy the reprieve.
Lennon seems to enjoy the quietness of it as well because she finds her way over to me almost as soon as I’m settled. “So, it was your idea to pitch the charity for this year?”
I’m going to need another drink. I nod. “Dr. Guong is one of the leading breast cancer researchers, and I got connected with her shortly after my mom’s diagnosis.”
Understanding washes over Lennon’s face. “I had no idea.”
“I don’t like to talk about it,” I say. “They asked me to make a speech tonight, but I’m not much of a public speaker.” I toss back another swig of my whiskey and relish the burn. “Especially not about something personal like this.”
Grief is sort of like wadding in the ocean. The first year after my mom died, my throat was constantly clogged with seawater as each wave crushed me beneath its toll, spinning me around until I was disoriented in the abyss.
The second year, there were still spells where I was bombarded with the icy lashes and struggled to catch my breath when I smelled her perfume or saw someone with the same golden hue of her hair. But as the years have passed, I’ve learned to weather the storms. Some days, it still sneaks up on me outof nowhere and I feel like I’m flailing once more, a small child crying out for his mother who is no longer there to tell him everything will be okay.
But for the most part, I’ve come to terms with her death. I know she wouldn’t want me to live with a shadow hanging over my head but instead her light. I’ve found purpose in charities like this one, and it feels good to celebrate her memory. It didn’t always, but over eleven years later, it does.
“I understand,” she says, spinning her own glass of what looks like soda water in her hands. “If you ever do want to talk about it…”
I don’t know if it’s the meaning of tonight and her memory sitting heavy on my shoulders or the glass of whiskey in my hand, but I find myself wanting to talk about her. Wanting to talk about her toLennon.
