I’m feeling a lot better as I head into the shower, but my good mood quickly goes to shit when I see a text from Lexi.
LEXI: Going to see Crimson Edge play at a club tonight in L.A. and spend the night with Lindsay. I’ll be home before the game tomorrow.
Frustration surges through me.
Once again, it feels like she’s putting her career before our relationship. We’re barely speaking and she’s going to see her friends play. On top of that, she’s not coming home tonight.
We always sleep together if we’re in the same city at the same time.
Always.
She’d hired someone to get her home to me last night.
But tonight, she’s driving three hours to get away from me.
And that feels eerily symbolic for what’s in our future.
Chapter Sixteen
Lexi
* * *
Stu’s wife Lindsay and I have been best friends since high school. I’m the reason they met, and I couldn’t be happier for her. They’re truly an amazing couple and I know he treats her like a queen. Never more so than since they had their little girl, Flora, who’s a year and a half old. The pregnancy was as unexpected as ours, but she’s a lawyer so it’s a little different for her.
They have their own challenges since she works for a high-powered entertainment law firm in L.A., while the band is based in Vegas. They make it work, and although I hate making the drive back to L.A., I really need to get away for the night. Things with Zaan have escalated to a point I don’t know how to handle, and I’m anxious for some wisdom from my bestie.
She’d been at the show last night, but the baby had been sick, so she and Stu had left as soon as we were done with the set. When this impromptu Crimson Edge show came up, I’d called her, and she’d agreed to go with me. I’m probably going to sing a song with them, and I need a wingman. Stu’s going to stay home with the baby, so we can have a girls’ night out.
By the time I drive to L.A., change into what I’m going to wear, and touch up my makeup, it’s time to head out.
“Whatever is going on with you and Zaan, it needs to stop.”
“He wants me to not go on tour and that’s not happening.” I say the words for what feels like the millionth time, but they feel a little hollow this time. There’s no way I’m going to stay home and do nothing but gestate a baby for the next year or so, but I’m starting to have doubts. About my convictions, my career, everything. Including my marriage. And that’s what scares me most.
“I get that, but you can’t keep avoiding having the conversation you need to have.”
“Honestly, he has a huge game tomorrow and it’s not fair to fight in the middle of it. I know I’m not handling things as well as I could, but he’s never been like this before. And don’t you dare say I’ve never been pregnant before. I mean, did Stu suddenly demand you stay home and do nothing until the baby came?”
She chuckles. “No. Stu was beside himself with excitement. If you recall, I was the one who was freaking out.”
“Because you were the one who was going to have to deal with everything, whose career might be impacted. This is the part I’m struggling with. They definitely have the right to make suggestions, but they literally don’t have to give up anything. All they have to do is support us. And Zaan can’t even do that.”
“I don’t know if that’s fair, Lex. You know I’ll always have your back and publicly I will always take your side. But in private? I mean, you scared him.”
“So you think I shouldn’t go on tour?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then what? I apologized for last night’s stupidity. I won’t do that again. I will sit more. I will be cognizant of my limitations. Like, the band has already talked about what we’re going to do to make things easier for me to continue as long as possible. He just doesn’t want to hear it.”
“Maybe you need to show him the changes. Like show him the updated set list for your second trimester. Maybe have a rehearsal in Vegas where he can see what changes you’re going to make. Or let him talk to the guys. Zaan isn’t unreasonable.”
“So why is he being unreasonable now?”
“Because you’re pregnant with a baby neither of you were sure you would be able to have. Maybe he’s afraid this is a one-off and it’s the only time you’ll ever be pregnant with his child. Maybe he’s scared he’s going to lose you. You know how scared you are? He has all the same fears. Different ones, probably, but generally speaking, they’re the same. And I don’t understand why you’re here, going out to a show tonight, instead of home with him, talking through this.”
“I don’t know either. I guess he hurt my feelings by leaving the way he did. And it really bothers me that he would even suggest me not going on tour.” I relay parts of our conversation, and she nods.
