“You can’t give me freedom, and that’s not what you’ve ever done.” My heart kicked in my chest. “You had a reason. You let him beat you.”
“I let youchoose,” he said softly. “That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”
“No.” I crossed the space between us. “You let me feel clever, like I had some kind of power. But you can always guess what Ander and I will do, can’t you? Did youplanthe fight?”
“I expected it. Ander wouldn’t walk away from you. Neither would I.”
I swallowed hard. “So what now? Am I supposed to thank you for letting me carry that ring into the arena, for letting me betray you?”
His mouth curved. Bitter, not amused. “You think I’m wounded because you made a choice?” He rose slowly, stepping close. Too close. “Cara, I’ve known from the beginning that you’d never choose me. Your loyalty is to Lidi and Tay. Not to me.”
My breath caught. There was no anger in his face. He faced me as if my betrayal was expected.
As if it wereplanned.
But for a moment, in the arena, he had looked so heartbroken. Istudied that dispassionate, beautiful face; he looked as if he had been carved from stone.
He reached down, picked up the ring, and then held it out to me. “I fell in love with you a little bit that first moment I saw you. Standing between the children and the wyrms. You are the bravest, fiercest, truest mortal.”
His gaze studied my face, still unmoved. “You’re just not brave or fierce or true tome.And I cannot make you be.”
“Is that why you gave me up to Clan Amber?” My voice came out soft. “To Ander?”
His lips tilted as if I were amusingly innocent. “You think I’m a liar, but this is the truth. I will always choose you. Tell me if you ever choose me back.”
Then he walked away.
Chapter 48
My room in Clan Amber was large and spacious. It felt excessively so after the coziness of the servants’ quarters, where I’d been surrounded bystuffthat had made it feel more like the close walls of our cottage.
It was a generous space for pacing, which was what I was doing long after I should have been in bed. I’d been searching the book of Clan Bismyth dragons; unless Fieran had another plot he was unspooling, though, I needed to look at the Amber dragons.
I glanced up, feeling an unexpected swell of longing for the familiar faces of Clan Bismyth, even though I’d done my best to avoid them at the party.
Rees lifted his head from his place in front of the fire and whined. He’d appeared at my door, and Ander had practically growled when he saw him.
Tay thought he was magnificent and had compared him to our old dog, though I thought that comparison was based on nothing more than both having tails and ears and a strong need to be worshipped with petting.
I glanced at Tay’s doorway as I headed out. We’d shared the loft as children, cots so close we could hand books back and forth under the thin moonlight through the round window. Our mother had slept inthe small bedroom at the back of the house, though she sometimes came to the loft ladder to hiss at us to go to sleep. The memory made me smile, and when my smile died, I felt more alone than ever.
The common room was cast in shadows, the only light coming from the enormous fireplace and its glowing fire.
The shadows moved, and my muscles tensed, preparing to fight.
Maura turned, glancing at me over her shoulder. “What do you want?”
“I didn’t see you earlier.” Gods, that sounded foolish. She hadn’t been at the party, but she also hadn’t been seen for days. At least, not by me.
“Fieran ordered me to stay clear of you. Since I’m so scary.” She held up her hands like monster claws, as if that were a joke, as if she hadn’t beaten me almost to death.
“So are you in Clan Amber now?”
She scoffed. “No. We can’t change clans that easily. Not unless I get the chance to fight for a spot, or that big sexy orc wants to be my mate.”
“Kiegan?”
“Are there any other big sexy orcs? What are you doing out here?” Her lips tilted. “You don’t have to sneak out to see Ander anymore. You can knock on his door. I’m sure he’ll open up for you.”
