Every gasp from her mouth reminded me of his silence. Every whimper reminded me of how eager he’d looked, taking me in his hot mouth. No matter how deep I pressed myself against her, my body remembered the slick, wet heat of him.
Of fucking Carrington.
I hated it.
I hated him.
I hated myself more.
I grabbed her thigh and hauled it up around my hip, grinding against her.
“Stop,” she cried out again.
Her nails raked my shoulders, her lips forming my name like a prayer, but my head was somewhere else. It was back in that fucking haunted house. I was back in the silence of the dark woods with Carrington’s eyes locked on me as he swallowed me down like it was his fucking choice.
Not mine. His.
He’d stayed in control that entire time.
I tore away from her, shaking. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, confusion, and fear lingering in the depths, but still reached for me like she could save me.
Ha. Good luck. You trying to be the hero will get you fucking killed.
I couldn’t meet her gaze. Not when the only face I saw behind my eyes was his. He was training my mind, leaving a decaying hold wherever he touched. It was like it was erasing me and replacing my brain with something I didn’t recognize.
Xanthy’s fingers hovered at my jaw, tentative, like she wasn’t sure if touching me would break me open further.
“Shiloh,” she whispered, her voice small in the dark space.
People had left us alone, wandering off to a different section of the house, likely assuming we were going to fuck.
Funny, the only thing fucked was my head.
“What’s wrong with you tonight?”
I let out a sharp laugh, though there wasn’t an ounce of humor in the hoarse sound.
“Nothing’s wrong.” My voice was too rough, too clipped, almost like barbed wire dragging a nasty weight against my tongue. “Why? You don’t like me kissing you now? I thought you missed me. Or did you just want me to be a fucking puppet for your stupid family hunt?”
“That’s not it, and you know it.” She shook her head quickly, tears shining in her eyes. “It’s just…you’re different. You’reangry and cold. I can feel it. I shouldn’t have made you come here. It was a mistake. I know that now, and I’m so sorry, Baby.”
Her guilt pressed against me like a blade, sharp and probably undeserved. She thought this was her fault.
Sweet, stupid girl.
If she only knew the truth. It wasn’t the hunt that had ruined me tonight, but what he did to me in the shadows.
“Just leave it alone,” I snapped, though my grip on her waist softened, betraying me. “I came for you. I did the hunt. I did what you wanted. You can’t take back what you did. Forcing me here.”
She searched my face like she was trying to read the lies bleeding out of me. “Then let’s just…let’s go upstairs, okay? To my old room. We don’t have to stay out here with everyone else. We can just…relax.”
Her thumb brushed my cheek, unknowingly smudging real blood. Her touch was soft, gentle, and coaxing, and it allowed me to find myself in the chaos. I could see the light again. See who I was meant to be, instead of acting on pure animal instinct.
I’m not my father.
Her words bounced around my head.
Relax.
