“No more extra guards.” It goes against every instinct I have, but I nod. She steps closer. It takes everything I have not to drag her against me and never let her go. “And you don’t call Dr. Patelevery time I so much as dry heave. You trust me to tell you when I feel like I need help.”
My fingers flex at my sides. My skin feels wrong, like handing over these things stops me from taking care of her the way I need to. “Right. No calling Patel unless you tell me to.”
She moves into my space, and finally she reaches for me. Her fingers tighten in my shirt, like she’s trying to tether us together. “If I want to go for a walk…”
“You walk,” I finish. “Just… take Theo. Please.”
I hate that I have to ask her to do that, but I can’t go through another repeat of today.
“I don’t have a problem with Theo. It’s all the other added stuff. I can’t deal with it anymore, Jensen.”
“I’m sorry.” I murmur. “I love you.”
Her eyes soften and I want to crawl inside her, get lost in her, until neither one of us knows where we start and end. “I love you too, which is why I’m still here.”
Those words are like she’s handed me the last dying embers of my broken soul. I cup her cheeks like it’ll stop her from drifting away. I’m afraid she’ll vanish again if I blink.
Mia leans into my palms, and I fold, burying my face in her neck. She’s safe. She’s still here.
And didn’t leave when she could have.
Sheshouldhave. I’m a fucking jerk. An overbearing prick. I might be the only man on the planet to risk his marriage through loving their wife too much.
“Don’t leave me,” I breathe into her skin.
“I was never leaving you. I just needed a moment.” Mia clings to me, exhausted. Her weight is reassuring in my arms, even though I hate that I pushed her this far.
I don’t deserve her, I never have, but I would level cities to keep her. “I’m sorry,” I whisper against her throat. “I never wanted to make you feel this way.”
“I know, but you did.” Her fingers trail through my hair and I tremble as I clutch her hips. “You have to learn to balance protection against my independence, honey.”
I swallow. I don’t know if I can do that, but if the alternative is her leaving me then I’ll figure it out.
She steps back and I feel the space between us like a living, breathing thing. She’s here, but I’m not forgiven, not yet.
Not until I prove to her I’m not her captor.
“I’m tired. I’m going to lie down,” she says quietly.
“Do you need anything?” I ask before I consider if my question is overbearing.
Mia shakes her head. “I’m fine. Wake me in an hour.”
“Sure.”
I watch her retreat to the bedroom. Our bedroom. Thank fuck for that. My legs give out the moment she’s out of my sight and I sink onto the couch, suddenly boneless.
That can’t happen again. I don’t know how to balance her safety with her freedom, but if giving her space is the price of keeping her mine, then I’ll learn.
Because that small snapshot of life without her was torture.
And I know I won’t survive losing her.
THIRTEEN
MIA
I wakethe next morning with him wrapped around me as if there’s no beginning or end to either of us. His legs are heavy over mine and his hand is splayed over my belly, as if he can hold our baby, me, and all the broken pieces we glued back together last night.
