Instead, all I want is to run back to Art. I haven’t been able to bring myself to take off my wedding ring. It sits on my hand now, glinting in the sunlight, as I watch Ava burble away in basic Italian. They’ve hired a private tutor for her so I can “enjoy myself”, even though that’s proven impossible.
I did not think that I would regret this decision, but the second that private jet was in the air, I wanted us to turn around.I can swim in the Mediterranean all I want, and it doesn’t save me from the sinking feeling that I’ve fucked everything up.
I’m hanging in here, because it feels rude to leave and Ava is having the time of her life.
Supposedly, this place belongs to the Italian Mafia. I can believe it. It feels like someone robbed a museum and put all the proceeds in this one building.
Even the marble that the house is built from feels deeply old and beautiful. The stone is worn underfoot because so many people have walked on it.
There are just a few of us here at the moment, but I imagine the place could fit a hundred — minimum. It was obviously designed for lavish gatherings of some kind. Maybe the Mafia’s equivalent of the Bratva Council.
Just that thought sends a pang of regret through me.
I should not be weeping during this Italian holiday.
The one thing I hadn’t factored in on this honeymoon was exactlyhow perfectly in love Lisette and Viktor would be. I’m literally here watching their happy ending play out and missing Art like crazy.
The one upside is that I get to act more like Lisette’s friend rather than her doctor. We’re sipping iced tea on the balcony together, snacking on freshly-baked focaccia, when I ask the question that’s been nagging at me.
“Don’t you feel worried about your baby growing up in Viktor’s world?”
I normally try to keep our conversations lighter than this, but I’m too curious not to ask. It’s not really my place. I’m here to do ultrasounds and reassure Lisette, not to worry her about the future of her child. But I have to know how she’s dealing with this so calmly.
“The Bratva?” her eyebrows shoot up. “Strangely, I don’t. I’m still learning about it, of course, so there’s a lot that’s a mystery to me.”
“I feel you there,” I mutter, thinking of the dynamics in Art’s family that I’m not sure I will ever fully understand.
She reaches over to squeeze my hand. “I think I’m okay with it because I believe that we’re creating our own future, for our baby. This child won’t have to go through what he went through, because I’ll be there, and because Viktor is better than his father was.”
Lisette’s expression warms as she looks over at Viktor, who is playing dice with his Italian friends on the balcony, glowering with a terrifying but unreadable poker face. As he collects their euros, he cracks a grin that changes his face entirely.
I blow out a sigh. “I don’t know if Art will ever understand that his family aren’t normal. That tradition and honour is less importantthan Ava is to me.”
“She’s a great kid,” Lisette says, looking over at Ava. “And I’m sure her daddy wants to protect her just as much as you do.”
“He does. I know he does. I’m just not convinced he knows how. It’s like… Art’s upbringing has been so distorted by this one position, and now that he’s so close to it, he has no perspective on what’s important.”
“You can change his mind. From what you’ve told me, the man is crazy about you. Five years of waiting and you think he wouldn’t do anything for you?”
“Putting his family above us… It’s a choice I don’t even think Art knows he’s making. It’s as natural to him as breathing. It’s what he was taught.”
Lisette’s voice softens. “He can change.”
I shake my head, but she continues.
“Look at Viktor. On paper, he would never be able to move past what happened in his childhood. Even our relationship involves so much darkness. I mean, he literally kidnapped me,” she chuckles. “And then a month later he staged a coup just to marry me. If he did that for me, I know he’ll go to the ends of the earth to protect our child.”
I feel the same about Art. He would do anything for me and Ava. At the same time, I don’t want him to have to protect us. I don’t want to rely on him, not when the family he relies on for everything is so unstable.
“I know what you mean.”
“I thought you might,” Lisette smiles at me.
“Doesn’t it scare you? That you’ll always need that kind of protection? That you’ll never have a truly normal life?”
She gives a sigh. “We went through a lot. And after that… I don’t know. I just have this feeling that everything is going to be okay.”
“I have exactly the opposite,” I confess. “Since coming here, everything has felt wrong.”
