“Maybe it’s because my family never wanted me.”
“Your mother never wanted you. Your father was a good man and he would have protected–“
“But he didn’t. He wasn’t here.” I thought I could keep my cool, but Vanya has a vision of leadership that doesn’t apply to the reality of this toxic cesspit we live in. “My father wasn’t here, but Denis was. The closest thing I had to a father figure, and he resented me my whole life, Vanya.”
“It’s a wonder that you want to lead this family which you despise so deeply.” Her mouth is set in a line.
“It is a wonder. You know it’s not for them that I’m doing it. It’s for you, Babushka. You’re the only parent I ever had. If not for you, I would burn this place to the ground.”
I can see the grief wash over Vanya at my words, as she turns herwatery eyes back to me. “I tried my best. But maybe it wasn’t enough.”
I let out a chuckle. “No one could compensate for Polina’s utter lack of mothering instinct, not completely. You did the best with what you had, Babushka, but you can only fix what’s broken so far.”
Vanya rises unsteadily to her feet, without her cane, and pulls me into a hug. “My boy. You need to be careful. She’s trying to ruin you.”
Denis might be gone, but Polina lives on. With more rage than ever to fuel her, as she tries to avenge the only person she could ever tolerate.
“I know.”
The conversation replays in my head throughout the night.
People want to discuss business, they want to discuss when I’m taking over the leadership, they want to run their plan by me, they want my congratulations on their new grandchildren. I smile, even though I feel like Vanya has turned me inside out.
When I finally have a moment to myself, I search the room for my cousin to congratulate him. Tradition, order, restraint, yada yada.
The flicker of yellow in the corner of my eye catches my attention. Something about it makes me freeze.
The exact shade of yellow Nina was wearing.
But it’s not her. It’s Boris with a gaudy patterned tie. I avoid eye contact, not wanting to get sucked into that conversation. I sweep the room once again with Nina in mind.
I take in the ballroom, decorated in wine red and shimmering banners of our family crest. The ridiculous number of bridesmaidswearing rose-colored silk.
My heart constricts.
I don’t know where Nina is.
A month ago, I’d have been tracking the hum of her laugh throughout the room, catching her freckled skin out of the corner of my eye, and checking my phone every five minutes in case she needed help.
But being married to her has made me relaxed.
Too relaxed.
She was furious at me, but I got distracted. I didn’t make time for her.
Haven’t I made this mistake before?
A sweep of the room reveals nothing. Not a hint of her yellow silk dress.
Her best friend, Lily Carson, is deep in conversation with Nikolai. I pull them away from the drinks table and Nikolai frowns at me.
I don’t care if I’m cock-blocking him.
“Have either of you seen Nina?”
“What’s wrong?” Lily asks when she sees the look on my face, putting her hands on her hips. I narrow my eyes at her. If Nina was leaving me, surely she would tell her best friend about her plans.
If Lily she knows something, she’s doing a good job of hiding it. She searches my face for a clue as to what’s going on. “You’re worried about her, aren’t you?”
