“I’m trying to understand why you haven’t apologized. Why you think I’m supposed to be okay with you using me and Ava to get what you want.”
I stand behind her and reach out to stroke her hair, but she dodges away. “I thought you wanted this. I didn’t force you into anything.”
She sighs and shakes her head. “I’m not saying you did. But you weren’t honest with me.”
I meet her eyes in the mirror. Her face softens a little, but not from forgiveness. From sadness. Her lower lip trembles as she sucks in an uneven breath. “Was I just the easiest option for you? The girl who was already too invested to see that you were just using me? Using us?”
It breaks my heart that she would think that. That she hasn’t got the message. I would do anything for her and Ava.
“There is nothing easy about you, Nina. If I’d wanted easy, there were a hundred bratva women waiting.”
I know that I’ve said the wrong thing when the tears start to well up in her eyes. She pushes past me to sit on the edge of the bed. “Then maybe you should have chosen one of them.”
“This was a long shot. I didn’t believe it would work, I didn’t believe you would forgive me, but you’re the only option I ever considered. The only one who was worth it. It wasn’t only about themarriage, Nina. It was about you. But I have to make this work without hurting you, or Ava.”
She’s sobbing now. I ache to close the distance between us, to cradle her in my arms, to pull her onto my lap, but she doesn’t want that.
“You say you want me to be a part of your world,” she glances up at me from her seat on the edge of the bed, her cheeks wet with tears. “But you don’t let me in, you don’t include me, and you don’t explain anything to me. I still don’t understand.”
“I didn’t think you’d want to know about any of this, Nina. It’s not your concern. Let me handle it.”
“Art, I walked into that study and saw you wrestling your cousin to the ground. You looked like you were about to kill him. Your favorite cousin. Help me understand what the fuck is going on that you need this leadership position so damn much.”
The truth would only push Nina away.
I want to be there for her, I want her to be able to rely on me, to trust me, but I don’t want to expose her to the seething, toxic mess that happens behind closed doors in this place.
“You shouldn’t have seen that.”
I leave it at that. Nina opens her mouth as though she’s going to push me on it, but she closes her lips just as quickly.
I won’t apologize for being the monster that I have to be to survive here. But I will hide it from her. Because if I don’t, she will run.
31
NINA
It’s infuriating that every night I fall asleep on the far side of the bed, on my side, and every morning I wake up in Art’s arms, snuggled up against him like everything is forgiven.
He’s not forgiven.
But the silent treatment is losing its effect when I wake up spooning him every morning.
I miss being able to trust him.
I didn’t sign up for this. I didn’t marry the monster who is insisting that we sleep in the same bed to keep up appearances, so he can win whatever fucked-up game is going on with his family, without giving the slightest hint of an apology.
The Bratva is even bleeding over into my professional life, too. I only manage two weeks back at Middlefield, before Art drags me out of bed one night with an emergency – a young woman withhypothermia who’s engaged to the Pakhan. She’s wheeled in on a stretcher, to one of their private hospitals.
They don’t want the authorities knowing about it, which is how she’s ended up in the Bratva’s private hospital. Even their usual specialists are not trusted with this girl.
“I’m not even fully qualified,” I point out, desperately. I don’t want to be involved in this mess.
The guards shrug. “This is top secret. She’s the Pakhan’s fiancée. If anyone finds out she’s sick, or injured, that’s a sign of weakness for him.”
I’ve just been dragged out of bed at 3 am, because some asshole doesn’t want to look weak?
I’m still not over the superstitions and traditions in this culture. “Right. Because her weakness is somehow reflective of him?”
