“No.” I shook my head. I wanted to believe that, but I couldn’t. “It’s because you’re destined for a different life. You’re getting married, for fuck’s sake.”
“I told you that from the beginning.”
I sighed. Why did this have to be so hard?
“I know you did, and I didn’t think it mattered. I thought I’d be okay with this, but I’m just not. I don’t like feeling like I’m not good enough for you.”
“Of course you are.”
“Please.” I rolled my eyes. “You’d never be proud to have me on your arm like you are Hunter. I don’t fit the image.”
Sabrina swallowed hard and lowered her eyes, but I’d already seen the hurt in their depths. I hated that I had put it there, but it also reinforced my decision to do this now, before either of us got too attached. Before I fell in love with her.
The gaping hole of regret and sorrow in the center of my chest suggested that I might be too late on that one, but I refused to acknowledge it. Sabrina wasn’t mine. She never had been, and if I let myself go and fall in love with her, it was my own stupid fault that this was killing me.
My mind flashed back to half an hour ago, when I’d been happy to just give her pleasure on the bed not three feet away from where she was currently standing. Even then, I thought I might have known that things needed to end soon. We were spending more and more time together, ignoring the inevitable end. But it loomed over us, an invisible pin that was about to poke this bubble we’d been living in.
“What are you saying?” she asked.
“I think we both know what I’m saying.” I hesitated for a moment, considering dropping this. I hadn’t spoken the words yet. It wasn’t too late to back out.
But that would be like lying, and I didn’t want to lie to her.
“I think we need to end this,” I said quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid.
My statement was met with silence, but what was there to say, really? Sabrina’s face was a stoic mask, hiding her feelings, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. I didn’t want to see her upset, but a part of me wanted to know if this was as hard for her as it was for me. I might have been her dirty secret, but I wanted to see if I was more than that. If I meant something more.
Was I just a good time to her? A way to sow her wild oats before she settled down with a man she didn’t even want?
She cleared her throat and straightened her skirt.
“If you feel that way—” she started, her voice even, proof that she was burying any reaction that she was feeling. She was a proud woman. “Then I guess it’s over.”
It was stupid of me to want a fight from her. We were doing the right thing here, and we both knew it.
But I wanted some kind of confirmation that I mattered to her. It was selfish, and I knew it, which was why I didn’t prolong this.
“I’ll go,” I said, starting for the door.
“But I drove us here.”
I stopped but shook my head. Getting back into the car together would be too awkward. A clean break was best.
“I’ll call an Uber.”
Taking a step closer to her, I wanted to kiss her one last time. But that was a bad idea. Our physical connection was too strong. It had started everything.
So I just reached out and cupped her cheek, looking into her eyes for a long moment, trying to memorize her face. I knew I could always find her picture in the media, buthe’dprobably be on her arm. They’d probably have two-point-five kids in a couple years. I didn’t want to see that.
It was surreal, walking out of the bedroom without her, and I was still reeling from the way this had gone down. Life was funny like that. I had been blind to my own feelings until I was forced to confront them. Despite everything, I still didn’t blame her for this. Sabrina’s parents were right: she was probably better off with Hunter. What could I give her that he couldn’t?
At least now she was free to live the life she was destined for.
Sabrina
“Sabrina?”
My mom’s voice accompanied a knock on my bedroom door. I lifted my head and blinked a few times, surprised by the dim lighting in the room. I had lain down to take a nap in the early afternoon, just planning to close my eyes for a half an hour. I’d even set my cell phone alarm.
