Moves changed that. He took care of my body, giving me that raw, real ride of my life that he’d promised.
He held me there while we curled up on top of the pile of clothes, cuddling by the fire, while I fell asleep right there in his arms. I felt so good, so protected, so safe and happy when I was with him, even though I was still rather confused on what exactly this meant for us.
I was falling asleep thinking that it could’ve just been a hookup to him, that he might not have felt anything for me at all, and I knew that I couldn’t allow myself to get too attached because I was just going to end up getting hurt.
As amazing as it was, I had to protect myself and my heart from shattering, just in case he really didn’t feel much of anything for me. I slept there with him comfortably, waking up to the steady stream of sunlight behind my eyelids when I heard a voice over me that certainly didn’t belong to Moves.
When I finally awoke, I looked up to see a man standing over me with the biggest grin on his face, and that’s when I realized I wasn’t wearing much of anything.
“Ma’am, are you okay?” he asked, and I realized that he was a lifeguard stationed there, probably just starting his shift when he saw me completely knocked out on the beach, but Moves was nowhere to be found.
“Yes, um I suppose I just fell asleep, thank you,” I said, and he walked away while I got dressed into the clothes I’d been wearing earlier. Hearing my phone ring in my jeans, I fished it out to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hi, this is your Uber. I’m waiting down by the pier,” said the unknown caller, and I realized that Moves had called me a ride home instead of taking me himself.
How absolutely classy of him.
I told the Uber driver that I was only going to be a few minutes. I was fuming, wondering why Moves would’ve left without saying goodbye, or why he wouldn’t have at least given me the courtesy of waking me before he took off.
I had to remember what I was thinking about before I fell asleep, because if it was true that this was just another hookup to him, then that meant he probably did this sort of thing all the time. It didn’t make me feel any better, and I got into the back of my Uber feeling quite terrible that I let it get to this point.
I couldn’t deny that I had feelings for Moves, but now I was fairly sure that he didn’t feel the same way about me. For a moment there, I thought I had been right about him, judging from the way he kissed me, from the way he always seemed to take care of me, but I supposed I’d just been reading a little too much into it. I had to dial it back, find something else to fixate on, because it seemed that Moves had already moved on.
Twenty-Three
Moves
Why did I run? Why did I just leave her there like that?
I felt guilty for leaving without saying another word. I could’ve only imagined how furious she would’ve been when she woke up, wondering whether last night had been a mistake, but it scared me more than I would’ve admitted.
I’d wanted to sleep with her for a very long time, but I didn’t think that once I did, I would start having any feelings for her. They crept in when I least expected it, and I found myself falling for her right then, but I knew that was just going to complicate things.
Now, I was sure that I had blown it, because I would have to be a fool to think that she was going to take me back after I’d just abandoned her on the beach after sleeping with her.
I kept going back to the moment where I’d woken up cuddled up next to her, realizing that I felt more than just the satisfaction of sleeping with a gorgeous girl. The feelings I had inside of me were ones I simply couldn’t understand, and I’d never felt that way about anyone before in my life. I didn’t know how to process it all, I didn’t know if it even made sense knowing where she worked and how complicated our relationship was.
I wished I could’ve gone back, slept with her, and woken up to kiss her the way I wanted to. I ran because I was afraid, I was afraid to let myself feel something other than the need to protect the Outlaw Souls. I didn’t think I had it in me to care about anyone else other than the people that have become family over the years, but I soon realized that I was wrong.
I was falling hard for Lacey, and it hurt me even more to know that she probably wasn’t going to want to see me after the stunt I had pulled. I drove back home just after sunrise that morning, trying to forget the entire occurrence, to regain the focus I needed to help the Outlaw Souls and help Chalupa finally have his freedom. It was much easier said than done, though.
Any time I closed my eyes, even if it was just for a split second, I remembered what it was like to have my hands all over her body. I remembered what it felt like to kiss her, to hold her close, and it was amazing to feel that she was mine, even if it was only for that evening.
I realized that I might not ever know how she truly felt about me because I’d ruined everything—just like I did every other relationship I’d ever been in.
I didn’t give myself the chance to see where it was going, and I had a feeling I was going to regret that for the rest of my life, unless I could convince Lacey that I wasn’t that bad a guy.
I could imagine that she was going to head home fuming, ready to tell Mona about the wonderful night she’d had only to follow it up with the terrible morning, remembering that I was just as bad as she initially thought. I didn’t want her to hate me, I didn’t want her to shut me out completely, but I didn’t know how else to process what I was feeling. They were emotions that were entirely foreign to me, and I had to figure them out before I gave her false hope.
It was quite clear that we shared a connection, but I wondered if that truly meant that we were ever going to end up together.
There were so many things standing between us, keeping us from being able to explore each other, because we both had responsibilities that heavily contrasted each other.
My first loyalty was to the Outlaw Souls, and I was sure that her loyalty was to her job. I didn’t know how we were ever going to be able to make that work even if we tried, especially if she really was involved with Chalupa’s case.
I didn’t think that anyone from the Outlaw Souls would be okay with that, and I wasn’t sure that I would, but I wasn’t going to be able to deny how I felt forever.
